At first glance you could be mistaken for thinking Lisa Gail Allred is Madonna's vastly younger sister. But the menopausal beauties share more than strikingly good looks. They also boast a similar vocal range and talent quota. Just check out the country queen's viral smash "3 Second Rule" (above). I haven't heard notes like this since... actually, I've never heard anything like this before. Lisa is a truly unique talent and isn't constrained by boring conventions like singing in key. She's above that. Then there's the epic video, which puts her doppelganger's recent effort to shame. "Girl Gone Wild" had gay men dancing in heels. Who gives a fuck? "3 Second Rule" stars the most alluring woman in music and a bunch of uncoordinated boot-scootin' cowboys. The new Shania Twain wins! Shockingly, the future smash isn't available on iTunes yet. I think it's clear who's responsible. Why won't Madonna let Lisa be great?
Showing posts with label Crazy Old People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazy Old People. Show all posts
Sunday, 13 May 2012
At first glance you could be mistaken for thinking Lisa Gail Allred is Madonna's vastly younger sister. But the menopausal beauties share more than strikingly good looks. They also boast a similar vocal range and talent quota. Just check out the country queen's viral smash "3 Second Rule" (above). I haven't heard notes like this since... actually, I've never heard anything like this before. Lisa is a truly unique talent and isn't constrained by boring conventions like singing in key. She's above that. Then there's the epic video, which puts her doppelganger's recent effort to shame. "Girl Gone Wild" had gay men dancing in heels. Who gives a fuck? "3 Second Rule" stars the most alluring woman in music and a bunch of uncoordinated boot-scootin' cowboys. The new Shania Twain wins! Shockingly, the future smash isn't available on iTunes yet. I think it's clear who's responsible. Why won't Madonna let Lisa be great?
Wednesday, 11 April 2012
Twitter is so amazing. Yesterday I was skimming through my timeline at lunch and saw a typically eccentric tweet from '80s pop star Alison Moyet. Her largely non-sensical ramblings always put a smile on my face and I felt compelled to celebrate her unique brand of crazy with a tweet. Before too long, I was chatting with the iconic diva about booze (turns out she's not a drunk), La Toya (she never went down on her) and tea that tastes like bong water (ask XO London - my local Woolies doesn't stock it).Alison was a delight and I spent most of the afternoon listening to her Greatest Hits - shamefully all the Moyet magic I have on my iPod. That album is a good listen, beginning to end, but I keep coming back to 1986's "Is This Love?" The Dave Stewart-produced anthem is a perfect piece of synthpop and that glorious chorus still packs a punch. It also brings back a lot of happy memories. My mum was obsessed with the song and even stole Alison's perm from the video. Speaking of which, they really don't make 'em like this anymore.
Why is my new BFF dressed like an extra from Cell Block H? Who came up with the stunning choreography? What's with the wind machine? Brace yourself for the visual splendor of "Is This Love?" below.
Thursday, 10 November 2011
An exclusive first look at Madonna's "Give Me All Your Love" artwork
I still remember the first and only time I listened to "Hard Candy". My ears started to bleed and I had to douche with holy water before throwing the CD under the nearest moving vehicle. It took me years to recover but lately I've become a bit sentimental about the old girl and found myself revisiting her earlier work - particularly 2003's underrated "American Life". I was actually looking forward to new material but if the recently leaked "Give Me All Your Love" is any indication of the pop icon's new sound, I'll pass. And not for the reasons other people are citing. Let's be clear - I like it when old ladies make club records!
If it were up to me Olivia Newton-John and Bette Midler would be in the studio dabbling in dub step at this very moment. The idea that dance music is restricted to kids is just ridiculous. Madonna has always been about the dancefloor and will hopefully still be popping her wrinkly pussy in that gross leotard well into her twilight years. The problem is her choice of material. "Give Me All Your Love" is embarrassing. I don't think it sounds like Britney or Gwen Stefani and Avril Lavigne fans need to take a seat. She did not invent chanting! The sad truth is none of those divas would release something this generic and soulless. Well, apart from Ms Spears.
While I can't deny that there's something cute (and catchy) about the chorus, as a whole, it falls flat. Madonna sounds like a robot and the lyrics are painful. Age has got nothing to do with it. This track would be equally shit if sung by a 20 year old. Earlier today Guy Oseary tweeted that "Give Me All Your Love" is just a demo, which is some relief but he did confirm it would be on the album. My question is why? Madonna can work with whoever she likes and this Sabi B-side is the best she can come up with? Return to the drawing board, bitch and try again. Your legacy demands it.
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