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Showing posts with label Eurotrash. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eurotrash. Show all posts
Wednesday, 27 March 2013
Sunday, 9 December 2012
Who is this heavenly creature? Seriously, I need to know everything! I can't even work out if Yurena is a man or a woman. All I can tell from my
Call me crazy but I think "Go" is a really good song - if you overlook Yurena's bad pronunciation and robotic vocals. And even with those disadvantages, it's still better than anything on MDNA. I like the icy production and find the lyrics oddly pretty for such a trash anthem. Of course, it helps to hear the song without looking at the video (below). Which is basically a four minute glimpse into hell. There is terrifying choreography, creepy old gays and a singer who looks like a half-melted wax statue of Audrey Hepburn. It makes me feel violated in so many ways but I can't stop looking.
Now tell me all there is to know about the pop legend that is Yurena!
Saturday, 1 December 2012
Forget about evacuating the dancefloor. If you're plagued by unwanted guests this yuletide, simply spin Cascada's Christmas album and watch the fuckers flee like Usain Bolt. I'm struggling to believe that this actually exists. A couple of months ago I came up with a list of the campest holiday albums of all time for Idolator - my fave was the KFC Xmas soundtrack - but I think It's Christmas Time might just take the cake.
I love Natalie as much as the next fag but who really needs a Hi-NRG cover of "Silent Night" in their life? And what has she done to "Away In A Manger"? I'm scared to listen! If the German diva's devastating destruction of Wham's "Last Christmas" (below) is any indication, It's Christmas Time could be absolutely unbearable. On the bright side, I now know what to buy for the human pollution in my life.
Friday, 2 November 2012
Romanian pop legend Inna has a new song called "INNdiA". Is she for real? I can't even fathom the tackiness of this mess! For starters, she looks like Michael Jackson on the single cover and the scintillating anthem begins with the line "welcome to INNdiA". It just gets worse from there. Sure, there is something magical about the so-bad-they're-breathtaking lyrics ("oh la la la la I hear you calling INNdiA") and the cheap Eurotrash production but I expect better from her. Inna is a pan-European pop sensation with a string of top 10 hits across the continent.
I love both of the dance diva's albums but if this is a taste of her third long-player, I'm gonna have to smoke a lot of pot to enjoy it. The video (below) is just as mesmerisingly awful as the song. The stunning beauty plays a stripper who saves a fellow pole dancer from abuse and then drags her to a high class lesbian club. It's the Eastern European music video equivalent of Showgirls. Actually, when I think about it like that, "INNdiA" becomes infinitely more appealing. So what's the verdict? Is this a trash triumph or tacky turkey? I'm more torn than Natalie Imbruglia...
Monday, 22 October 2012
You want to know what sex would be like if you were a boy,
I will play the girl, tell me what you want,
I will wear your skirt!
Is pretty much guaranteed to suck and Tao doesn't disappoint on that front. The sad thing (well, apart from his Mandy Kane-on-a-budget image), is the fact that there's a relatively catchy piece of Eurotrash hiding behind the tragic lyrics. This could have been a cheesy Taio Cruz-lite club-banger. Instead it will go down as that song about being fucked by a strap-on. Watch this trainwreck unfold before your eyes below.
Wednesday, 11 July 2012
This is a great week for music. Frank Ocean released his flawless debut, No Doubt previewed their first new single in over a decade and Brigitte Nielsen came out retirement to record a faceless dance record that will, most likely, never get an official release. I'm beside myself! So, where do I start with Sylvester Stallone's former wife? The 48-year-old Dane is a true eccentric. The occasional model/actress has a reputation for being all kinds of crazy but her two albums are pop perfection. Check out my review of the seminal I Am The One... Nobody Else for a greater insight into her musical genius. And don't forget the diva's duet with fellow legend RuPaul. You need to watch this incredibly awkward live appearance in Spain, where Gitte insists on speaking Italian and generally acts insane. The bemused look on Ru's face is priceless! That leads us to the diva's new anthem. "Misery" (below) is a cute dance anthem. Brigitte's vocal is relatively inoffensive and the production is better than I expected. Personally, I prefer her hard-hitting urban jams but this will do nicely. Welcome this beloved pop trash icon back into the fold!
Monday, 9 July 2012
The flawless 40-year-old makes great music but the diva really trades on her outrageous image, particularly in Eastern Europe where she claims to be bigger than Kylie. Cough. I guess that explains the mind-bending ridiculousness of her latest video. "Pom Pom Girl" is a typically catchy pop tune with a bit of chanting and a chorus that would make Kyary Pamyu Pamyu weep with envy but the clip... is so awful that I keep pressing repeat out of sheer fascination. There are drag queens, gay bodybuilders and the worst dance routine this side of a Cheryl Cole video.
Needless to say I love it and hope she continues ruling gay nightclubs in rural France for the next 20 years. All hail Madame Ferrer.
Friday, 27 April 2012
I have featured a lot of shit on this blog over the years but Valerio Pino's "GogoStar" is truly without merit. This formerly smokin' hot piece of Eurotrash - what happened to the beard and chest hair? - speaks about being an erotic dancer in heavily-accented English against some of the clumsiest beats ever thrown together on someone's home computer under the influence of cocaine and poppers in Chueca. I know that sounds kind of amazing but it isn't.
The song plods along aimlessly and any camp value is stamped out by the 31-year-old Italian's complete lack of personality. Valerio takes himself way too seriously for a man pretending to fuck a mannequin in his video clip! So who is this tool? I thought his name sounded familiar and it turns out he once dated Ricky Martin. Or was at least linked to him. I'm sure it was a true meeting of the minds. Not that I'm judging after seeing some of model's tasteful nudes, which I forced myself to look at for research purposes!
Unfortunately, "GogoStar" isn't even good for a perve. Valerio looks a mess in the video. Admittedly, it's not easy to exude sexy when you're wearing a butt-plug shaped sequined g-string and humping a dummy. I just can't.
Check out: some of the vocal giant's sexy pics.
Tuesday, 29 November 2011
Quick, somebody call Uncle John from Jamaica and let him know that the most essential pop album of 2011 hits stores Decemember. Yes, people. The Vengabus is heading for Australia this Summer and Central Station is releasing a long-overdue greatest hits package to celebrate. All your favourites are present and accounted for including the seminal "We Like To Party (The Vengabus)" and the most played song on Dannii's iPod ("We're Going To Ibiza"). The only thing missing is the band's amazingly awful ode to nude-swimming "Skinny Dippin'" but the bonus disc of cheesy remixes more than makes up for it. So there you go. The ultimate stocking filler is less than a fortnight away. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving!Here's the tracklist:
CD1
1. We Like To Party (The Vengabus)
2. Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!
3. Up & Down
4. We're Going To Ibiza
5. Parada de Tettas
6. Superfly Slick Dick
7. Shalala Lala
8. Kiss (When The Sun Don't Shine)
9. Ho Ho Vengaboys!
10. Uncle John From Jamaica
11. Cheekah Bow Bow (That Computer Song)
12. To Brazil!
13. Your Place Or Mine?
14. Forever As One
15. Rocket To Uranus
CD2
Remixes
To get you in the Venga-mood, here's their glorious cyber-sex anthem "Cheekak Bow Bow (That Computer Song)". Does it get any better? See you at their Sydney gig!
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