Carmen Electra & The Best Song Of 2013

I haven't heard a second of Carmen Electra's new jam but I'm sure we can all agree that it's, more than likely, going to be the best song of the year. If not of all time. Take the stunning title and eye-popping cover art. The Baywatch babe is coming for skulls after snatching wigs like a drag queen on meth with the amazing "I Like It Loud", which became a well-deserved club hit in the States. No doubt the ravishing diva will own nightclubs from Brisbane to Beirut when her new single drops. I can't wait!

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Nicole Returns! Jesus Weeps! Careers End!

Bless Nicole. Amid the forced quirkiness of Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift's increasingly stale girl-next-door routine, it's a breath of fresh air to welcome back an old school pop star. You know, a diva that is happy to just look pretty while singing and dancing without reinventing the wheel? The patron saint of puakenikenis is an easy target - her delusional tweets rival any parody account - but she is talented and deserves to find her own niche after all those years of Pussycat Doll hell.

"Boomerang" is a giant step in the right direction. The surprisingly '80s-inspired pop tune sounds like the bastard child of Stacey Q and Laura Branigan - it's an avalanche of (intentionally) cheesy keyboards and catchy vocal hooks. In typical Nicole style, the lyrics don't make a lot of sense (see iconic Killer Love album track "Amenjena") but trust me, you'll be singing "I'm a boomerang oh wo-oh-oh oh wo-oh-oh!" by the time the track ends.

And now the million dollar question. Is it a hit? I think Nicky has Europe in the bag. Australia could go either way (a promo visit would pretty much guarantee a high chart position) and anything could happen in States. I mean Dev had a top 20 hit there, so the standard is low. Most importantly, I'm just happy to have the Hawaiian pop princess back. Her unreleased albums are better than your fave's finest moment!

Listen to a very rough radio rip of the future number one, Grammy-winning smash below.

9/10

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Carmen Electra Returns To Pop Music After A 19 Year Break!

Is this real life? Mariah is coming to Australia, two fifths of the Spice Girls have reunited and Carmen Electra just slayed all our faves with her first single in 19 years. It's more than my brain can handle! I had no idea Carmen - Baywatch beauty and Aerobic Striptease workout mogul - was even back in the studio but I guess a girl has to pay the bills somehow. Well, time has not wearied the triple threat's vocal genius. "I Like It Loud" is an absolute triumph!

Carmen's 1993 Prince-produced debut album is an undeniable trash classic. "Go Go Dancer" has stood the test of time with its fabulously slutty video and incredibly bad lyrics, while "Fantasia Erotica" is as amazing as the title suggests. The album bombed and the now 40-year-old eventually found fame "acting" but I think she missed her calling. "I Like It Loud" is the best Luciana song not recorded by Luciana. It's a fast and furious club anthem with a killer chours. She even raps about Lana Del Rey's pout!

I really hope there's a typically classy video on the way. You can download Carmen's future smash from US iTunes now. The rest of the world will have to wait a while.

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Melissa Tkautz - Greatest Hits Launch

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about the impending release of Melissa Tkautz's hugely anticipated Greatest Hits collection. That must-have opus brought iTunes to its knees on Friday and is still selling like 21 at Overeaters' Anonymous. To celebrate more than two decades of hits, E Street's most successful diva performed a showcase at Rock Lily nightclub in Sydney's Star Casino and showed why she is still as relevant as the day she started. The blonde bombshell appeared on the stage in a sexy black cocktail dress and proceeded to belt out her stunning top 40 cover of "The Glamorous Life". That was followed by her seminal debut single "Read My Lips". Melissa had the entire crowd reaching for her detonator as she high-fived fans and posed for photos mid-song. It was nice to hear "I Want Your Love" live again - the last time I had the pleasure was at its release party in 2008 - and I'll never get enough of "Easily Affected", which remains one of the most underrated Australian pop songs of all time.

Sexy is still the word

The face of Australian lamb then brought things back to the present by belting out her recent Nick Jay collaboration "Something About You" and new single "Take Me Away". Mel described the latter as a nod to her '90s hey day and it does sound like something they might have played at the Albury in 1997. Not that I'm old enough to know. After a bit of banter, the perennially youthful diva followed that up with 1992's raunchy "Skin To Skin" before bringing her army of fans into a frenzy with a remix of "Sexy Is The Word". It's always a treat seeing Melissa strut her stuff. She sounded great and always looks like she's having a blast. Earlier that day, I sat down with Sydney's yummiest mummy for a chat (see below) and will be posting that clip in the next couple of weeks.

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Melissa Tkautz Unveils Greatest Hits Artwork

Australian pop legend Melissa Tkautz is releasing a greatest hits compilation. Start crying and shaking. The flawless diva behind seminal classics like "Read My Lips" and "Sexy Is The Word" will unveil the full tracklist over the next few days but I'm hopeful a couple of unreleased gems like "Fake It Good" and "Not Enough" will make the cut. The Hits & More drops August 10. Let's pray iTunes can cope with the demand.

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Pop Legend Brigitte Nielsen Returns!

This is a great week for music. Frank Ocean released his flawless debut, No Doubt previewed their first new single in over a decade and Brigitte Nielsen came out retirement to record a faceless dance record that will, most likely, never get an official release. I'm beside myself! So, where do I start with Sylvester Stallone's former wife? The 48-year-old Dane is a true eccentric. The occasional model/actress has a reputation for being all kinds of crazy but her two albums are pop perfection. Check out my review of the seminal I Am The One... Nobody Else for a greater insight into her musical genius. And don't forget the diva's duet with fellow legend RuPaul. You need to watch this incredibly awkward live appearance in Spain, where Gitte insists on speaking Italian and generally acts insane. The bemused look on Ru's face is priceless! That leads us to the diva's new anthem. "Misery" (below) is a cute dance anthem. Brigitte's vocal is relatively inoffensive and the production is better than I expected. Personally, I prefer her hard-hitting urban jams but this will do nicely. Welcome this beloved pop trash icon back into the fold!

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Heidi Montag & The Laziest/Most Amazing EP Of 2012

Just when I thought enduring pop icon Heidi Montag had turned her back on the music scene to pursue a career in... having lots of Twitter followers, the woman behind the best dance album of 2010 is back with a new EP. However, in true Heidi style, there's a twist. All the tracks are at least two years old and have been previously released. But why not? Each track on "Dreams Come True" is better than anything on "MDNA" and a timely reminder that the fading reality star succeeded where veritable music legends have failed - by making a truly flawless dance-pop album. Say what you like about this natural beauty but there isn't a bad song on "Superficial" and she can keep recycling it from now until the end of time as far as I'm concerned. I just wish Heidi would release physical copies. With artwork this stunning, it would fly off shelves! Check out the tracklist below:

Your Love Found Me
Party Is Wherever I Am
No More
Overdosin'

Download this masterpiece from iTunes now and check out the bravura video for "Overdosin'" below. This tune is still epic!

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Toy Talk With RuPaul

In early February, I was lucky enough to interview drag-pioneer and generally flawless dance diva RuPaul for an article that later appeared in the Sydney Star Observer (read it here). It was a pretty nerve-wracking experience at first. I grew up worshipping the towering Glamazon and had to ask some relatively hard-hitting questions about relationships and gay politics. Ru's palpable kindness put me at ease and the interview went off without a hitch but I just couldn't put down the phone without probing the world's most famous Toy Soldier about our mutual idol, La Toya Jackson. What follows is about 10 minutes of unadulterated Toy Talk that didn't make the final article. It turns out that the average homosexual doesn't live to explore the Pope of Pop's era-defining impact on popular culture. Who knew? Please note - the Bruce we both refer to is a mutual friend who runs the best website on the internet. I'd like to thank RuPaul again for being so gracious and, dare I say it, toytastic.

Mike: I believe that my favourite, La Toya Jackson, makes several appearances on this year's Drag Race? [Note: Australia is only up to Season 3]
RuPaul: [Laughs hysterically]

Mike: I'm obsessed with Toy!
RuPaul: Are you the guy from Pop Trash Addicts?

Mike: That's me. Yes.
RuPaul: Oh my God! Of course! Bruce turned me on to that years ago. Actually, last year I guess. Oh my God that is so funny. I had no idea!

Mike: Bruce is a great friend. I was in LA last year and spent quite a bit of time with Bruce. I adore that man. But yeah, he's also the La Toya whisperer.
RuPaul: [Laughs] Oh my God!

Mike: It's so funny, I've got all of my serious Ru questions and deep down I just want to have this La Toya conversation.
RuPaul: [Laughs hysterically] Well, on Season 3 La Toya makes two appearances.

Mike: Oh my God, that's amazing! How do you utilise the power of Toy on the show?
RuPaul: [Laughs] Well, I tell you we couldn't get enough of her! She's a fabulous judge and her critiques are priceless as you would expect and it's amazing. She was on the once and I think someone fell through and I said 'please can we just have La Toya on again?' She's the only person we've had as a judge twice. [Laughs].

Mike: She needs to be a permanent cast member!
RuPaul: [Laughs] I wish, I wish! I'm not supposed to tell you this... [says something off the record]... She told them that World Of Wonder and Ru are the only associations that she's kept from the Jack Gordon period of her life. I've been obsessed with her forever. She was on my Christmas Special in...

Mike: I remember that. It's genius. You both look so amazing.
RuPaul: [Laughs]
Mike: That blonde wig! [Laughs]
RuPaul: Yes, yes! Oh my God! And then she was on my talk show years later and I think I did something else with her in there because I try to always do something with her because I think she's so brilliant. She's amazing.

Mike: Can I ask... is she in on the joke? I wonder with Toy sometimes - does she get it or...?
RuPaul: I think slightly, in a remote way. But she is the girl that you think she is.

Mike: Is she as sweet as she comes across? My read on her is that seems like a gorgeous person.
RuPaul: Oh absolutely! A lovely person. Absolutely. I gotta tell you, I rate kindness high at the top on my list of human virtues and she absolutely is. She absolutely is. And you know, Bruce used to read my blog and the reason I know him is that my friend Tom and I had a La Toya Jackson film festival once...
Mike: [Laughs]
RuPaul: The two of us! And I blogged about it and Bruce wrote me and said 'wow, that's awesome - you're a fan too. I'm a fan!' and I could tell he was someone I wanted to know and we became friends and we've been friends ever since and now he works on my show.

Mike: Isn't that crazy? La Toya brings people together!
RuPaul: Yes, that's right! She's bringing families of friends together.

Mike: One of her many virtues.
RuPaul: [Laughs]

Mike: Can I ask, as a Toy Soldier, why haven't you done a duet with La Toya? The world is crying out for a chest-to-chest!
RuPaul: You know what? You're absolutely right and I've thought about and tried to do it and you know what, we're gonna make that happen. I've always wanted that and we're gonna have to make that happen.

Mike: [Literally crying and shaking] That is the most amazing thing I've heard all year. I'm beside myself!
RuPaul: [Laughs] It's great. I would love it!

Mike: No offence but it's gotta be better than the Brigitte Nielsen duet. That was an amazingly hot mess but Toy could take it to the next level!
RuPaul: It was... oh my God, I could tell you stories. Oh my God. It was so messy in so many ways. In ways that you couldn't even imagine.

Mike: I think Brigitte's albums were hilarious but I can imagine she would be an interesting person to work with.
RuPaul: You're very kind [Laughs].
Mike: [Laughs]
RuPaul: You know, I've tried to erase that period of my life out of my memory.

Mike: It must have been a trainwreck!
RuPaul: Oh my God. OH - MY - GOD. You don't know the half of it!

Mike: One day I hope you'll share that. Can I quickly ask - What are your favourite La Toya songs?
RuPaul: "Wicked Love", "He's My Brother" and probably "You Blew".

Mike: That's a great song. I love that semi-urban kind of period in the late '80s. I think that stuff is great.
RuPaul: I only wish her Stock Aitken Waterman stuff were better, you know.

Mike: Yeah. She got the dregs, didn't she?
RuPaul: Yeah she did and I love, love, love Stock Aitken Waterman and they gave her crap.
Mike: I never really understood that because I think that if they had given her good material during that time she could have actually worked. That was her chance to click and have a couple of hits.
RuPaul: Yes, definitely.

The conversation then turned to our mutual love of Sneaky Sound System - particularly this song, which Ru discovered on my blog.

While you wait for the grand dame of drag to arrive in Sydney for Mardi Gras, watch clip from his iconic Christmas Special. La Toya's triumphant acting as RuPaul's long-suffering yet extremely glamorous much-younger sister RuPauline will rock you in ways that only Toy can!

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Paris Hilton Is The New Bob Dylan

Say what you like about Paris Hilton, the heiress definitely has a sense of humour. Which is what makes her such an entertaining pop star - she's in on the joke. Take her amazing new single "Drunk Text". The collaboration with dance outfit Manufactured Superstars basically involves her talking about getting drunk and sending explicit messages over bargain-basement beats. Apart from summing up my favourite weekend activity, it's also ten kinds of amazing and positions Paris as the leading poet of her generation. Hearing the underrated diva sing-talk lines like "I went out to the club the other night to, you know, dance with my bitches" and "noone is safe in the Twittersphere anymore" gives me life. You just know Madonna heard "Drunk Text" this afternoon and went into voluntary retirement. The other hoes are now officially obsolete! Can Paris please hurry up and release the follow-up to her genre-defining debut? It's clearly the next "Teenage Dream"/"I Am... Sasha Fierce". Check out the trashtastic video below.

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CC Strikes Again!

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you're probably very familiar with the woman formerly known as CC Martini. The pioneer of pip pop is one of the first ladies of pop trash. I stanned hard for singles like "Champagne Taste" and "Double Dutch" and genuinely adored her debut album "All The Way". After revolutionising the Australian pop scene as we know it, she disappeared to America and has been pretty quiet. But that's all about to change. CC, as she is now known, is gearing up to release her sophomore album Girl Scout and just dropped the lead single. "Worst Boyfriend" is a spiky little pop song littered with catchy hooks and raunchy lyrics. I love the on-trend dub-step breakdown and sexy synths. This is great stuff BUT please listen to the song with your eyes closed. No shade to CC - she knows I love her - but the video (below) is just not right. It's hard for independent artists but homegirl looks like she emptied a Goonbag and decided to film the clip in her garage using someone's mobile phone. I just don't want you to judge the song by the visual. On a brighter now, if "Worst Boyfriend" is a taste of what's to come - Girl Scout could turn out to be one of 2012's best independent pop albums. It's that good!

Dowload the song from CC's website by following this link. An iTunes release will follow shortly.

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Bai Ling & The First Great Pop Song Of 2012

Acting legend Bai Ling has taken another step towards pop immortality by releasing her second consecutive era-defining club anthem. The star of classic films like The Crow and Crank: High Voltage stunned the world last year when her debut single "Rehab" killed the game with its brilliant lyrics about dancing with sober friends and Chinese chanting. I was lucky enough to interview the exquisite diva about her budding music career - it should be ready to print in the next couple of days - and she confided that the song was written and recorded in five hours. An amazing feat given that Bai admitted she needs help turning on her computer.

I'm not sure how long the eternally youthful 45-year-old spent on "U Touch Me I Don't U" but from the sound of it, I'm guessing every bit as long as her debut. If not a couple of minutes longer. This breathtaking gem finds the new Queen of C-pop philosophising on love in the digital age. The multi-talented renaissance woman writes "[the] statement I made in this song both in lyrics and music is what the contemporary modern music world need to hear, this is what the new young generation need to hear...Because my song paint a moving painting of the lives of our world today!!!"

And with cutting-edge lyrics about texting and Facebook, it's hard to disagree. I love the rawness of "U Touch Me I Don't Know U". From the bongo drums to the amazing homemade video (below) and artwork created with Microsoft Paint (above), this is the musical equivalent of gonzo porn. It's a gritty, in-your-face experience that makes you feel more like a participant than an observer. I'll let Bai have the last word(s): "Read and watch, yes I am challenge U to open your heart to be brave as you have ever been!!! This song is so simple like the fresh air wind and fire...So fresh yet So powerful..."

"U Touch Me I Don't Know U" is now available to download from iTunes internationally.

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Bai Ling & The Song Of The Year

Bai Ling has been one of my favourite actresses since she was robbed of an Academy Award for her stunning portrayal of a horny vampire in The Breed. Since then the Chinese beauty has become a pop culture phenomenon - both for her fabulous B grade movies and drunken behaviour at film premieres that usually involves crashing the red carpet and showing off her nipples. And it is the latter activity that inspired the 45-year-old's music debut. After a stint in Celebrity Rehab, Bai has dropped an inspiring dance anthem called - appropriately enough - "Rehab".

The era-defining floorfiller is 2011's hottest mess. Imagine Yoko Ono on mushrooms with a splash of Amanda Lepore thrown in for good measure and you're almost there. "I am Bai Ling, I just got out of Rehab!" proclaims the budding diva at the beginning of the song before chanting something in Chinese and finally declaring "I'm still gonna dance day and night with my sober friends!" This bravura turn sits on the cutting-edge of pop music, breaking new ground with its breathtaking originality and fearless approach to blending genres. Leave it to China's finest export to reinvent the wheel!

Bai's future Grammy winner (below) is available to download from iTunes now. Gift it to a friend while you're there - "Rehab" deserves to bigger than "Party Rock Anthem".

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