Don't Judge Me For Loving Breezy's New Smash

Chris Brown is a complete mess - won't someone think of poor Karrueche! - but I learned to separate an artist's personal life from their chosen profession when Michael Jackson started having sleepovers at Neverland. And Breezy's music is, more often than not, completely amazing. I'm mildly obsessed with Fortune and think it's one of the year's most underrated albums (by a woman beater). Songs like "Don't Wake Me Up" and "Sweet Love" are expert examples of their respective genres but fifth single "Don't Judge Me" could be the aluminum-selling gem's best offering yet.

"Don't Judge Me" is one of those rare tunes that sounds equally brilliant as a mid-tempo urban ballad or remixed into a flawless floorfiller. Dave Audé always delivers but he does a particularly impressive job transforming Breezy's slow jam into a surefire club hit. I'm not surprised they went with this version in the UK - they should do the same over here. The bizarre video (below) will only help its cause. Chris is catapulted into space on a suicide mission to destroy alien invaders. Don't ask me how the plot relates to the song but it's riveting in a how-did-they-get-the-money-for-this-shit? kind of way. Like him or not, Breezy still has the Midas touch. 

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Beyoncé Unleashes "I Was Here" Remix

Way back in June I wrote a post about a couple of new Beyoncé remixes that found their way into my inbox. Some bitches thought I was lying but the WAWA mix of "I Was Here" has finally surfaced and is being prepped for a full club release in the UK. The other new remix - for "Start Over" - is yet to leak but I'll do that myself if it doesn't happen soon. This shit is too good to sit on. It's interesting because the original version was quite different. The Polish producers have toughened it up for the UK and given the track a darker, grittier feel, which sits with the lyrics better than the ever-so-cheesy original remix. Seriously, that (fabulous) shit sounded like Toni Braxton's era-defining "Unbreak My Heart" mixes. Who am I kidding? I adore both versions and love that the 4 era is still chugging along quietly.

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The 4 Era - Not Over Yet?

Since slaying the game for the umpteenth time in career at Revel a couple of weeks ago, there has been some speculation about Beyoncé's next move. Some "insiders" (ie. delusional stans) predict a world tour and an official "End Of Time" video, while others say she is already working on her fifth genre-defining masterpiece. The truth might be somewhere in the middle. About a month ago I was lucky enough to hear two official remixes for as yet unreleased singles from 4. The songs in question were "I Was Here" - not that surprising given its status a quasi-single in Australia and recent destruction on Glee - and "Start Over". The latter was a real shock.

For me "Start Over" is easily the worst song on 4 but the remix is absolutely incredible. The mid-tempo snooze has been transformed into a dark and dangerous house anthem that stands toe-to-toe with Bey's best club-bangers. Both remixes were done by a high-profile DJ outfit that has worked with King B several times in the past but as yet they remain on the shelf gathering dust next to the 40 or so other songs Beyoncé recorded for the best album of 2011. The question remains - what are they for? Remixes for a belated club release like "Why Don't You Love Me?" or tracks for a scrapped remix album? I guess only time will tell. In the meantime, imagine how much better "Start Over" (below) would sound with dirty house beats.

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Luciana - Jump (Rocket Pimps Mix)

It's a big week for Luciana. The dance deity kicks off her Australian tour on Sunday, her collaboration with Tiesto and Wolfgang Gartner "We Own The Night" is predicted to top the UK club chart and she's releasing a brand new single called "When It Feels This Good". On top of all that, "Jump" - her Cube Guys feature - looks set to climb into the UK club chart top 10 this week. When you're hot, you're hot! To celebrate the impending arrival of Luci, I've posted one of the new UK remixes. They're all good but I prefer the Rocket Pimps mix (below). It erases the original's goofy house elements entirely, which will sit well with dance fans who like their Luciana vocal hovering above dirty electro beats. Expect a review of one or more of the diva's Australian shows very soon!

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Calvin Harris Does Florence

I've been a huge fan of Florence + The Machine since the beginning but Ceremonials just doesn't float my boat. It's not a bad album by any means but the spark - and quirky pop sensibility - that made Lungs one of the best debuts in recent memory is missing. That's not to say it's a complete waste of time. I have a soft spot for "Shake It Out" and "What The Water Gave Me" is a mysterious delight. You can now add the Calvin Harris mix of "Spectrum (Say My Name)" to that list. While the Scotsman appears to have completely lost the plot as a producer (that hideous Scissor Sisters' single is Exhibit A), he can still knock out a decent remix. Florence now has a towering club anthem to plug and it could be just what she needs to get European fans back on board. It's probably a little too dance for Australian radio but I approve and think a remix album is now officially warranted. Listen to Calvin breathe some life back into music's moodiest bitch below.

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Loreen Remixed - Eurovision Winner Gets The WAWA Treatment

I really don't give a fuck about Eurovision. I know that's an unpopular attitude among pop fans but the competition is less relevant than Melanie C. However, the odd gem still pops up occasionally and this year produced two stellar songs. I've already expressed my admiration for the flawless French entry by Indonesian superstar Anggun and there's no denying that the winning anthem is something of a triumph.

"Euphoria" by Swedish Idol flop Loreen encapsulates everything right about Eurovision. It's a beautifully crafted piece of pop with a powerful vocal and volcanic chorus. There is an element of camp but - importantly - it's not a parody like the vast majority of entries. I'd like to think that "Euphoria" would have been a crossover hit without the competition.

Loreen's UK record label obviously thought so. They commissioned a remix from Polish house-maestros WAWA before the show aired (below) and I've been spinning it on repeat. I love how loyal it is to the original and think the mix would work in clubs from Adelaide to Atlanta. Could "Euphoria" be the biggest Eurovision hit since that Ukrainian tranny snatched everyone's wig in 2007? Time will tell but I'm hopeful.

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Beyoncé To Release "4: The Remix" EP

Let's just get this out of the way. That cover is the most hideous thing I have ever seen. And I own 23 different versions of La Toya's "Bad Girl"! Seriously, it's almost enough to distract you from the brilliance of Beyoncé's latest offering. You see, King B has blessed nightclubs with a 6 track EP of her favourite remixes called - funnily enough - "4: The Remix". The package includes the amazing winner of her "End Of Time" competition as well as hot mixes by Dave Audé and WAWA. I really hope there's a physical release because it will take pride of place next to her Spanish EP and the "Sasha Fierce" remix album in my shrine. Check out the tracklist below. Bey's era-defining collection of club hits rocks iTunes on April 24.

1. "Run the World (Girls)" Dave Audé Club Remix
2. "Countdown" Isa Machine Remix
3. "Best Thing I Never Had" Lars B Remix
4. "Love On Top" DJ Escape & Tony Coluccio Remix
5. "End Of Time" WAWA Extended
6. "End Of Time" JIMEK Remix

Speaking of the "End Of Time" remix competition, watch her majesty call the winner (below). How adorable is the most successful artist of the millennium? So much humility and grace! I just don't understand why this guy is able to talk. If Bey hit me up on Skype, I'd already be in rigor mortis.

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Beyoncé Scores 18th US #1 Club Hit

I think it's so cute that your fave even bothers to get out of bed in the morning when they know King B could snatch their wig at any moment to dust her Grammys or line Blue Ivy's 24 carat gold cot. Not content with running the pop and R&B charts, Beyoncé has made history by notching up her 18th US #1 dance hit with "Love On Top". Bey is now the third most successful act of all-time on that highly relevant chart behind only Madonna and Janet. And let's face it, those hags are over - so it's only a matter of time before she kicks them to curb too. Check out the Smash Mode Extended Mix of "Love On Top", which is currently burning up gay bars from Alabama to Alaska. Your fave could never. Admit it and move on.

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Florence Gets The Benny Benassi Treatment

"Lungs" was one of my favourite albums of 2009 and kept me company well into 2010. But somewhere towards the end of last year I began to suffer Florence-fatigue. Her transformation from the Benjamin Buttons of indie-pop to the dolled-up hitmaker of today was disconcerting and I began to suspect she was a bit of a one-trick pony when the dreary and predictable "What The Water Gave Me" dropped a couple of months ago. Happily, "Shake It Out" restored my faith. The organs and tambourines give it an unexpected gospel sound and the lyrics kill me. I'm tempted to get this couplet tattooed on my forehead as a constant reminder to wise the fuck up:

I am done with my graceless heart,
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

So what do you do with a beautiful spiritual hymn that sinks like a stone on iTunes? Call Benny Benassi and ask him to jazz it up with a dance remix for radio. This sounds like a very bad idea for so many reasons but it works. I'm not too proud to admit that I love Benny's version. It's more palatable to non-depressed/damaged listeners and the superstar DJ's killer beats are going to tear up dancefloors around the globe. All of a sudden, the second coming of Florence fills me with joy. May she continue to sell out at every possible opportunity!

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