Lena Sparkles With Stardust

I haven't posted any German pop music for a while, mostly because I haven't heard anything good in months. But the drought is over. Lena's new single is the best thing the 2010 Eurovision winner has ever recorded. Yes - even better than her international breakthrough "Satellite". The first thing you notice about "Stardust" is how far the 21-year-old has come in the past two years. I used to find Lena's quirkiness forced and off-putting but her current German chart-topper is convincingly offbeat, while still boasting a great pop chorus and catchy beat. Think Lenka meets Lykke Li (in a good mood)!

The next thing you notice is Lena's sophisticated new image. She looks gorgeous in the classy video (below), which finds the newly glamorous diva wandering around the Spanish desert in a series of outfits straight out of Lana Del Rey's wardrobe. It's beautifully shot and complements the song perfectly. This is one of those rare singles where everything from the mysterious cover art to the video clip is just right. I wasn't a huge fan of her first two albums but I'm counting down the days until the October 12 release of her third opus. That Eurovision monkey is now well and truly off her back.

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Loreen Remixed - Eurovision Winner Gets The WAWA Treatment

I really don't give a fuck about Eurovision. I know that's an unpopular attitude among pop fans but the competition is less relevant than Melanie C. However, the odd gem still pops up occasionally and this year produced two stellar songs. I've already expressed my admiration for the flawless French entry by Indonesian superstar Anggun and there's no denying that the winning anthem is something of a triumph.

"Euphoria" by Swedish Idol flop Loreen encapsulates everything right about Eurovision. It's a beautifully crafted piece of pop with a powerful vocal and volcanic chorus. There is an element of camp but - importantly - it's not a parody like the vast majority of entries. I'd like to think that "Euphoria" would have been a crossover hit without the competition.

Loreen's UK record label obviously thought so. They commissioned a remix from Polish house-maestros WAWA before the show aired (below) and I've been spinning it on repeat. I love how loyal it is to the original and think the mix would work in clubs from Adelaide to Atlanta. Could "Euphoria" be the biggest Eurovision hit since that Ukrainian tranny snatched everyone's wig in 2007? Time will tell but I'm hopeful.

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Cancel Eurovision, San Marino Has Already Won!

I'm rarely lost for words but San Marino's Eurovision entry has left me speechless. The tiny principality will be represented by a flawless diva called Valentina Monetta, who has delivered one of the best/worst songs ever to grace/pollute the competition. I'm not going to spoil the magic of "Facebook Uh Oh Oh" by examining its timeless lyrics ("so you wanna make love with me, am I really your cup of tea?") and big budget video, which showcases Valentina's just-escaped-from-a-mental-institution beauty as well as some of the worst visual effects of all time. Seriously, let's just call the whole thing off. I thought Anggun had it in the bag with her epic "Echo (You And I)" but Eurovision is about to get rocked by a redheaded she-devil with a social media fixation. Watch in awe below.
 

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Will Anggun Lead France To Eurovision Glory?

To be honest, I haven't really been paying that much attention to this year's Eurovision contenders. Because, how do I put this, it's shaping up to be a bit of a shit event. The UK is sending a joke entry and Soraya is too busy burning up the Russian club charts to represent Spain - so why even bother? Well, here's one reason why Baku won't be a complete waste of time. The French entry is fucking amazing. Some of you might be familiar with Anggun. The Indonesian-born, French-adopted superstar had a massive worldwide hit in the late '90s called "Snow On The Sahara" and remains popular in Europe and Asia.

I haven't heard a lot of her music but I intend to remedy that after hearing "Echo (You And I)". This is icily beautiful electro-pop anthem is perfection and boasts the catchiest whistle-hook in recent memory. I love Anggun's husky voice and ability to look classy while wearing next to nothing. Like any good diva of a certain age, the Asian beauty is targeting the gays with her exquisite video. It features a cameo from Jean-Paul Gaultier and lots of male-models in underpants. Oh and guys in gas masks kissing. So chic! Check out the early frontrunner for 2012 Eurovision glory below.

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An Amazing Eurovision Entry About Craving Cock

As far as I'm concerned Eurovision 2012 is already a write-off. Soraya forgot to enter for Spain and more outrageously, what is clearly the winning song has been overlooked by Holland's flop judges/population and will now be missing from the line-up in Azerbaijan. This needs to be investigated by The Hague and corrected immediately! So what makes Raffaëla Paton's "Chocolatte" such a triumph? Well, it could be the 2006 Dutch Idol winner's bad Rihanna wig or perhaps it's her bargain-basement attempt at recreating Beyoncé's "Sweet Dreams" bodice outfit.

Then again it might just be the undeniable genius of her exquisite electro-pop anthem. This is all kinds of ridiculous from the dated production to the hard-hitting lyrics about... cock. At first, I thought "Chocolatte" was an ode to having a sweet tooth but on closer inspection I think Raffaëla is craving something else in her mouth. The stunning 28-year-old sings: "You won't get too far with any chocolate bar, the one thing that'll do is big & dark and comes with you." Hoe, please - you're so sprung! I know what you want and I'm not judging. Finally a song that explores a serious theme that we can all idenify with and it's rudely dismissed. It's a sad day for pop music. Watch the Eurovision winner that never was (below).

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