Zoë Badwi Returns With 'Shoot Me Down'

Hot on the heels of her top 10 club hit "A Million Lights", comes the first taste of Zoë Badwi's sophomore album. I'm biased when it comes to my fellow cheesy nugget connoisseur but Australia's reigning dance diva has outdone herself with "Shoot Me Down". The glamorous pop star first talked about the track way back in April when she graced the Pop Panel with her presence. Almost six months have passed but it was worth the wait. American hitmakers Heather Bright and Frank E have crafted a sleek and current dance anthem with a darker edge than we're used to hearing from Zoë. The chorus is electric and the former Sirens starlet slays your fave with her sexy vocal. The video is an equally saucy affair. Sally's favourite daughter spends most of the clip writhing around on the floor with a bunch of questionable looking men. It's basically Kylie's "All The Lovers" in a warehouse - ie. a triumph by Australian standards. Zoë looks amazing and the brothel-inspired lighting concept works for me. "Shoot Me Down" will melt iTunes on September 28. You can pre-order it now!

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Pop Panel 2012 - Volume 3

It's time for another installment of Pop Panel. Yay? The latest edition turned out to be another civilised exercise in music appreciation. Yeah right. The acid-tongued judges had a field day destroying some good and not-so-good tunes. I think I need some fresh meat because these bitches are pressed! The sheer outpouring of hate aside, we settled on a deserving winner. I think there were better songs in the mix but I can deal. Also of note is our stunning celebrity guest judge Zoë Badwi. I don't think the country's reigning dance diva knew what she was getting herself into but she was an incredibly good sport! Ok, let's get started. Tonight's Panel consists of the following regulars:

Robbie (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog
Jacques (Aus) writer of The Prophet
Stephen (US) writer of The Middle Eight

We are also joined by the following judges:

Bobby (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop

This iconic blogger was one of the original pop panelists (way back in 2007, I think!) and has been a huge supporter of the format. In addition to writing his fabulous blog, Bobby now works with super-talented chanteuse Elouise. Welcome back!

and

Zoë Badwi (Aus) - Pop star extraordinaire and club royalty

I'm extremely chuffed that Zoë has finally graced the Pop Panel with her glamorous presence! I've been a fan since her stint as one third of Sirens. She turned out to be Beyoncé of that trio and went on to fuel dancefloors across Australia with club hits like "Release Me" and "In The Moment" before hitting it big with her top 10 smash "Freefallin'". She's absolutely adorable and so is her jet-setting mum! With new tunes on the way, 2012 is shaping up to be a big year for the Badwi camp.

Before getting stuck into the judging, I couldn't help being a bit nosy and asking Zoë when we can expect new material. Here's what she had to say.  

What have you been up to since the album was released?

Touring my bum off around Australia. Most of this year I gave been in LA recording and writing new material! I can't wait for it all to come out.

 Is new stuff on the way? Who are you working with?

There sure is! My next single is called "Shoot Me Down" and I worked with Frank E and Heather Bright on that one. Frank E wrote Jason Derulo's "Breathing" and Enrigue's "Tonight I'm Fucking You" plus many more and Heather is behind pretty much all the AMAZING songs out there at the moment. I was working in the Atlantic studios in LA and the talent they have there blew me away!  

When are you going to invite me over for dinner with you and Sal?

Haha Sal (my mum) is a citizen of the world. She is a hard one to catch. She is forever gallivanting around the world. Right now she is sunning herself in South Africa but when she gets back we can lock it in!

Check out Zoë's epic cover of Sarah Connor's "Carry Me Home" below.

The results are ranked from lowest to highest.

Delta Goodrem – Sitting On Top Of The World (Video)

That cunt from Neighbours has a new single.  

Bobby: Promising start the of the video. It sees Delta cruising in some Sydney park with blown-up condoms. Brilliant. Sadly though doesn't it deliver. A ridiculously cheery pop song that is far too polite to be interesting. 1/5 
Jacques: Delta drives me up the wall but this song is wonderful! I love it. It's like a Disneyfied Sara Bareilles. It's also way better than Melody Thornton. 4/5 
Mike: Without The Voice Australia's most pointless pop star would struggle to tickle the lower reaches of the top 50 with this inane dose of elevator music. She should just stick to ruining marriages. -5/5
Robbie: Is she still married to that homophobe? Yes? No? She's getting 0 just for taking his cock in her mouth anyway. 0/5 
Stephen: This is the ONJ wannabe who goes out with British homophobe, right? The best thing about this song: "The uploader has not made this video available in your country." 0/5 
Zoë: The more they trash this on the radio, the more I'm (slowly) getting into it. 3/5
Total = 3/30 

Melody Thornton – Someone To Believe (Video)

Former Pussycat Doll takes desperation to new heights by recycling home movies for her latest free download.  

Bobby: Wow. Unexpected. She gets a few points for that at least. But, if you're going to break the out of the mould set by your past, do it with a song I can sing-a-long to please. You're called Melody, lets be having one next time. 2/5 
Jacques: I just can't with this desperate trick walking the red carpet naked just for attention. I know it's hard to get a break these days, but I'd rather remain a flop than sacrifice my dignity. I used to like her and even bought "Sweet Vendetta" on iTunes, but now I think she's trash. But my personal disdain for her aside, this ballad is woeful. The oriental production paired with that melodramatic screeching is hot mess 101. 0/5
Mike: Possibly the worst thing I have ever seen/heard in my entire life. I thought Jessica Sutta was a waste of human flesh but Melody plumbs new depths with this tuneless mess. The Asian strings kill me. Where is the chorus? And more importantly, where is her dignity? 0/5
Robbie: Honey, no one wants to hear this crap. Hit the pole and start bouncing. 1/5 
Stephen: I kept waiting for it to kick in. This is one long intro! Two minutes of pained human rights-y riffing to a violin does not a choon make. Next time she needs to start with – bada bing! - an actual melody. I will give her two stars for superior drag queen hair... I mean this is a man, right? 2/5 
Zoë: Not what I would expect from a Pussycat Doll. She's no Nicole Scherzinger, is she? 1/5
Total = 6/30

Beez In The Trap – Nicki Minaj Ft. 2 Chainz (Video)

Onika's latest buzz single.  

Bobby: Oooooh, Nicki honey, the best song about buzzing insects is always going to be Billie's "Honey to the Bee". 0/5
Jacques: Hoodrat 101. What is this simplistic shit? This is the type of thing I expect to see on World Star Hip Hop by some stripper-turned-rapper called Mz GolDeN GriLLz. I'm surprised Melody Thornton didn't make an appearance in this video, as this hood porn seems right up her alley given her choice of red carpet attire. 1/5 
Mike: This is what happens when you make a bunch of MAGs listen to hip-hop! I'm not a fan of Stinki Garbaj but "Beez In The Trap" is a head-nodding jam. We should be encouraging Onika to focus on this kind of music instead of making desperate Pitbull knock-offs like "Starships". Shame about the video. 3/5
Robbie: Wretched. 0/5 
Stephen: I need to hook you up with a proper song next week, Wass. This sounds like something WE could write while drinking whiskey from a jockstrap. And it looks like it was shot with outtakes from the million other videos The Minaj has done in the past six months. Is there a message to this epic? You’d betta wear five condoms if there are bees in that trap. 0/5 
Zoë: This would be great for a DJ mix in a break down section. That's about all I've got for this one. 2/5
Total = 6/30

Rita Ora - RIP (below)

Roc Nation's new golden girl unleashes her debut UK single.  

Bobby: To borrow Rita's phraseology, akin to shitty ATM. Awful. 0/5 
Jacques: This girl is so boring, but it could be worse - she could be Melody Thornton. 2.5/5 
Mike: Kosovo's pop princess has everyone pressed. It's not her fault Jay Z needs a Rihanna replacement now that his former rainmaker's career is over! Admittedly, "RIP" is as generic as it gets but I like the verses and suspect it will be massive. 3/5
Robbie: Title says it all. 0/5 
Stephen: If this girl has any talent or originality, it’s been mauled by some smug suit at her label. Rihanna should sue for complete thievery. The autotune, the rapper, the rasta colors, the dye job. Has it come to this? 1/5
Zoë: Um... I like Tinie Tempah's part! 2/5 
Total = 8.5/30

Dance Again – Jennifer Lopez (Video)

Jenny is back to dance. And love. And dance. Again.  

Bobby: I don't absolutely love this but it's a good try. It is admirable that she hasn't progressed in no way whatsoever from her debut single to this travesty of a pop song. Which means, in over 12 years she hasn't matured at all. Which is remarkable. She refuses to change or evolve. Wonderfully woeful. I'll give her one point for knowing what fans want and what she's good at. 1/5 
Jacques: I liked this song more when I first heard it but I've already grown sick of it now. It's still more interesting than Melody Thornton's squishy rack, but it's not slaying me like "On The Floor" did. 3/5 
Mike: Jenny and Pitbull are the La Bouche of the 21st century - ridiculous lyrics, thumping Euro-beats and cheesy rapping! That might sound like shade but I love how '90s this is. While "On The Floor" sounded like a Kat DeLuna B-side, "Dance Again" is bizarrely innovative. In an incredibly derivative kind of way. I love it. 5/5
Robbie: I so don't care about this old bat. 2.5/5 
Stephen: Another year, another faceless commercial – I mean dance track! - from Jenny. Cars, perfume, Idol: she’s always hawking something. Did she marry one of the dancers, or writhers, I should say, since this was shot? That Caspar kid is no Jesus Luz, m’kay? She has to put on a blindfold, he’s so fug. And don’t get me started on how she’s stolen the Superior Diva Jessie Ware’s hairdo at the end! 2/5 
Zoë: Errr I feel like I've seen it and heard it a million times before. The "AGAIN" part is fun haha and damn it she's hot! 3/5 
Total = 16.5/30

Norah Jones – Happy Pills (Video)

Norah hooks up with the non Cee-Lo half of Gnarls Barkley for a fresh new sound.  

Bobby: No. 0/5
Jacques: Fucking AMAZING! I've always loved Norah's music over the year but I was a little iffy with her last album."Happy Pills" has made me a fan again. I just wish I had some of these happy pills when you forced me to listen to that heinous Melody Thornton song, Mike. 5/5
Mike: This is one of my favourite songs of 2012. It's so effortless and breezy. Norah embraces her inner-vamp and is forgiven for ten years of drivel. Absolutely gagging for the album. 5/5
Robbie: This is pleasant enough, in a slightly boring way. Reminds me of something VH1 would play if they still aired music videos. 3/5 
Stephen: I don’t know why I didn’t come when I heard this song. Or wait, I DO... The LP cover made me think she’d gone all Gogo’s on us, but this sounds like everything else Snorah Jones has done. 2/5 
Zoë: It doesn't really tickle my fancy but it's nice enough. 3/5
Total = 18/30

Mandy Capristo – The Way I Like It (Video)

The German diva was part of a hugely successful girlband in her homeland before striking out on her own this anthem.  

Bobby: After Nicki, Jennifer, Rita, Delta, Norah and Melody we're finally touching pop gold. Major points for that dress. She's won me already with the overblown pink toilet brush-cum-prom dress. To be frank, a song with the repeated refrains "push a little harder" and "get it up" will always be a winner for me. Love the wet climax at the end too. Full marks Mandy. 5/5 
Jacques: Not bad, not good. It's somewhere in between. I'm mostly just glad that Melody Thornton didn't record this. 2/5 
Mike: Monrose was a very hit-or-miss band for me but Mandy gets it just right with this saucy piece of Europop. I hope there's a physical single! 4/5
Robbie: Borderline awful/amazing. I'm siding with amazing. But I'll never remember it after this one listen. Oh well. 4/5 
Stephen: Unbearable shit. 0/5 
Zoë: Don't you think she looks like a cross between J Lo and Beyonce in some parts of the clip!? It's a good dance song. 3/5
Total = 18/30

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

Perfume – Spring Of Life (below)

Japan's hottest girlband gifts the world another electro-marvel.  

Bobby: First listen, brilliant. But I take my Pop Panel duties incredibly seriously. I always replay the offerings to hear if I missed something. On its second spin it sounded flat and dull. I really should love this song but I don't. Ultimately, it has a nice scent that refuses to linger. Charmless yet pretty. Like biting into a tasteless yet glorious-looking cheesecake. 3/5 
Jacques: Utterly flawless. Japan's best girlband never disappoint. Their futuristic Tokyo techno-pop really shows you how terribly pedestrian the current dance-pop on the Hot 100 is by comparison. This is truly amazing and it's definitely something Melody Thornton would never record. 5/5 
Mike: Perfume were my first Asian pop crush along with the legendary Ami Suzuki. Their cyber-beats never fail to stun and amaze but this is a bit of a letdown in comparison to flawless classics like "Dream Fighter" and "Love The World". I think it's the insipid chorus that ruins it for me. Regardless, the production is mind-boggling and the video utterly sublime. 4/5
Robbie: A perfect score for the LED dresses alone. I wonder if these robot broads short circuit when they sit on Daddy's rocket? 5/5 
Stephen: Now we’re getting somewhere. Do you ever think these J-pop songs are just exercises to make super kawai videos? It’s fantastically shot, but let’s face it, Perfume are neither Pizzicato Five or Girls Aloud. I wonder if one of them is married to the Japanese equivalent of a footballer? 4/5 
Zoë: Oh dear, this one's not for me! Great video though. 0/5
Total = 21/30
 

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DNA's 12 Best Tracks

A couple of weeks ago, David Musumeci and Anthony Egizii - better known under their professional name of DNA - signed an exclusive production deal with Sony Australia. This is incredibly rare for the local music scene and cemented the boys' status as our answer to Max Martin and Dr. Luke! I've been a fan of their work for a long time and got to know them while they were working with Chris Sorbello. Since then, they have gone on to bigger and better things - racking up 4 top ten hits in 2011 with massive tunes by Marvin Priest, Timomatic, Guy Sebastian and Reece Mastin. And while those hits made them pioneers of the local urban-dance movement, Dave and Ant have successfully tried their hand at a lot of different genres. Here are a dozen of my favourite DNA anthems:

12. Set It Off - Timomatic (Video)

Reaching the runner-up spot on the ARIA chart and selling double platinum, "Set It Off" has been one of the biggest songs of the Australian Summer. And with good reason. This killer urban-dance explosion picks up where Taio Cruz and Jason Derulo left off without sounding like a soulless clone. DNA's production is dead on trend and crisper than a freshly ironed shirt. It probably should be higher on this list but I'm currenty suffering from radio overload.

11. Alone No More - Ricki-Lee (Audio)

Do you remember when Ricki-Lee went R&B on her Brand New Day album? No? Don't feel bad. I think I'm the only person who bought it. Moving along, one of the highlights of that largely-forgotten pop opus is a pretty little ballad called "Alone No More", which puts the focus squarely on the weight-loss queen's beautiful voice. Cute lyrics and a pared-back approach make this a DNA winner.

10. Own This Club - Marvin Priest (Below)

It has to be said that DNA do the urban-dance sound better than anyone in Australia. And pretty much anywhere else for that matter. The song that first showcased their skill in the genre was Marvin Priest's catchy-as-fuck "Own This Club", which came out of nowhere to become a huge top 10 hit last year. While it's not the most original song to hit radio, this is very solid pop. Make sure you hunt down the adopted Australian's mini-album "Beats & Blips". I think it was one of the most underrated releases of 2011.

9. Won't Let You Go - Shannon Noll (Audio)

Proving that there are more strings to DNA's bow than club-bangers, "Won't Let You Go" is lighters-in-the-air rock ballad that really should have been released as single. This gem boasts one of Shannon's best vocals and the tender yet manly lyrics strike an emotional chord. The track was a real highlight from Nollsie's "Turn It Up" album, which is probably why the boys were asked back to contribute to his latest record.

8. So Lonely - Chris Sorbello (Video)

While the Chris Sorbello experience didn't end well for anyone, there's no denying that "So Lonely" is a good pop song. It's also one of the most adventurous DNA productions - with its icy synths and cool electro-soundscape. I can't help but think a major artist like Kylie or even a boring Scandinavian flop like Annie would have made this a smash.

7. Don't Miss You - Amy Pearson (Video)

Amy Pearson's one and only hit is a veritable Australian pop classic! This was unavoidable at radio and announced DNA as a production team to watch. From the soaring chorus to the pop/rock-lite arrangement, "Don't Miss You" is very Kelly Clarkson. In fact, it wouldn't sound out of place on "Breakaway" - which is a huge compliment. Still love this one.

6. Good Night - Reece Mastin (Above)

Yes, it sounds a lot like P!nk's "Raise Your Glass" but I'm pretty sure that's the point. "Good Night" is slightly derivative but it's also undeniably catchy and single-handedly made the X Factor franchise credible by reaching number one and selling buckets. I love it!

5. Runnin' - Jessica Mauboy (Audio)

Dave and Anthony get hood on the stunning B-side to J. Malley's smash hit "Burn". I have no idea why this was left off the original Been Waiting tracklist - it made the deluxe edition - because this is one of hottest songs Jess has ever done. Hot beats and attitude-filled lyrics make this one hell of a jam. It's better than anything on Rihanna's Talk That Talk.

4. Come Home - Christine Anu (Audio)

Now this was a bizarre single that came out of nowhere and sunk without a trace. Which is a shame because DNA's nifty take on the urban-synth ballad is amazing. Think Jordin Sparks' "Battlefield" with a bit of Beyoncé's "Halo" thrown in for good measure. Yes, it's that good and should have been number one for months. Fingers crossed it appears on Godnu's forthcoming album.

3. Until You're Over Me - Zoë Badwi (Above)

This epic dance anthem was rumoured to be 4th - or 6th, depending on how you count - single from my beard's album but it never eventuated. Which is sad and annoying because "Until You're Over Me" is a scarily good floorfiller. With the benefit of hindsight, DNA's atmospheric production should have been released after "Freefallin'" instead of "Accidents Happen" but I'm still hopeful it might get a belated club release. Download it now or, better yet, buy a copy of Zoë!

2. Who We Are - Stan Walker (Audio)

It's time for some real talk. What is Sony doing with Stan's Let The Music Play? The first two singles were good but they are sitting on smoking hot jams like "Shine", "Music Won't Break Your Heart" and "Who We Are". This glorious DNA club-banger is everything Chris Brown's "Turn Up The Volume" wanted to be but couldn't quite pull off. Don't get me wrong. I really like Breezy's new song but "Who We Are" is so much better.

1. Oxygen - Brielle Davis (Below)

Every time I run into David and Anthony, which admittedly usually happens at the pub, I get the overwhelming urge to tell them how much I love the B-side to Brielle's 2006 smash "Serial Thriller". "Oxygen" - or the Australian "Toxic", as I like to call it - is something of a homage to Britney's last great song. I love this track and think it's about time Brielle came out of hiding. So she had a few drinks and crashed her car into someone's house. We've all been there! Check out her enduring legacy to the Australian music scene below.

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30 Best Album Tracks Of 2011

Is 2011 really almost over? I feel like it flew by at double speed! Anyway, it's time to let my OCD run wild and put together my annual 'best of' lists. I thought I'd begin with something a bit different this year. Listed below are my 30 favourite album tracks - songs that really should have been released as singles but weren't either due to bad timing, lack of interest or sheer stupidity. I shied away from including gems from recently released triumphs like Kelegend's "Stronger" or Mary J's epic "My Life II" because I'm still hopeful my faves will be sent to radio. Instead, I focused on albums that have more or less finished their run or, in some cases, are awaiting a re-release. There's no real science to this, so take it with a grain of salt. Here goes!

30. Starting Over - Jennifer Lopez (Listen)

Album: Love?

The words "uneven mess" spring to mind when I think of Jenny's comeback album but it does harbor a couple of gems. My favourite non-single has to the Wynter Gordon-penned mid-tempo ballad "Starting Over". This is the perfect fit for J.Lo's restricted vocal range and the lyrics bring an unusually adult perspective to the end of a relationship. Kudos to Danja for actually trying to make the song sound like it was recorded after 2007 - unlike the vast majority of the album!

29. What's A Girl Supposed To Do - Nikki Jean (Listen)

Album: Pennies In A Jar

For someone who was briefly hailed as the next big thing, Nikki Jean came and went with little fanfare. It's a shame because her quirky debut is jam-packed with great tunes. Any number of songs could have made this countdown but I keep coming back to "What's A Girl Supposed To Do". This breezy piece of retro-pop perfection was co-written by the legendary Jeff Barry (Ike and Tina's "River Deep, Mountain High" and The Monkees' "I'm A Believer" to name but two) and it's not an embarrassment to his legacy. High praise indeed.

28. Run - Jessica Mauboy (Listen)

Album: Get Em Girls (Re-Release)

J. Malley hooks up with the producer behind Heidi Montag's "Superficial" album. Lightning strikes twice.

27. Trip To Your Heart - Britney Spears (Listen)

Album: Femme Fatale

With the exception of the heinous "Hold It Against Me", Britney got the singles right this time. The rest of the album is as vacant as the heavily-medicated diva's stare but I have a soft spot for "Trip To Your Heart". This sounds like a reject from "Oops!... I Did It Again" and I mean that as a compliment. It's nice to hear Brit return to the innocent, bubblegum-pop of her hey day. A late fifth single maybe?

26. I'm Not Leaving - Sneaky Sound System (Not uploaded to YouTube)

Album: From Here To Anywhere

I love Sneaky's new album. It's a master class in constructing a cohesive electro-pop opus but - apart from the exquisite "Big" - there aren't a lot of viable singles. That makes the decision not to release "I'm Not leaving" all the more perplexing. This is the big gay anthem that could set fire to the clubs and actually be played on the radio. Think Whitney meets Kylie for some idea of the track's greatness.

25. You Will Be Mine - Lenka (Listen)

Album: Two

Australia's indie-pop princess embraced synths on her sophomore album. She couldn't give it away with a free copy of "21" but I fully approved of her move towards the dancefloor. Particularly, the icily beautiful "You Will Be Mine". Guy Sigsworth (Madonna, Britney and Robyn) knows how to craft a killer pop song and Lenka's quirkiness brings out the best in him. Perhaps the album would have shifted plastic if this was sent to radio instead of the title track. Who knows? It's a chart-topper in my book.

24. Springsteen - Eric Church (Listen)

Album: Chief

Apart from being the sexiest man in music, Eric Church also delivered one of the best albums of 2011. "Chief" is the country equivalent of cock-rock. You know, songs about drinking too much and get getting into trouble with the law. It's great from beginning to end but "Springsteen" stands out as the highlight. Given the snail's pace of country music releases, I'm still hopeful this will be a single. The nostalgic anthem is the crossover track that Eric needs to mix it up with the likes of Lady A and Jason Aldean. I can't recommend this highly enough.

23. Cut Straight To The Heart - Sophie Ellis-Bextor (Listen)

Album: Make A Scene

This delicately crafted synth-ballad reminds me of Sophie's 2003 anthem "Nowhere Without You" - AKA the best single she never released. Unfortunately, history repeated itself and the song is destined to be forgotten by everyone except the handful of desperate MAGs that bought her album. How depressing.

22. Heartbreak Down - P!nk (Listen)

Album: Greatest Hits... So Far!

There was a time when I would cut a bitch for bad-mouthing P!nk. "Try This" ruled my world for most of 2003-2004 and I stayed loyal until she re-released "I'm Not Dead" under the new title of "Funhouse" in 2009. Anyway, my point is that I was pretty much done with Alicia until I heard "Heartbreak Down" on her GH. Butch Walker beats Dr Luke at his own game with his slick production and the lyrics pack a deceptively strong punch. I hear you, sister!

21. The Moon's A Harsh Mistress - Rumer (Not uploaded to YouTube)

Album: Slow (B-Side)

I avoided Rumer for as long as I could but eventually gave in and listened to "Seasons Of My Soul". The English chanteuse sounds eerily similar to Karen Carpenter - so I was basically sold immediately. Any number of tracks should have had Adele-esque success but the balladeer stayed underground. At least in this country. I put it down to the fact that she looks like an extra from Cell Block H. As for "The Moon's A Harsh Mistress" - the B-Side to single "Slow" - Karen is resting her bony arse on a cloud in heaven, listening to this gorgeous cover on repeat.

20. Relapse - Zoë Badwi (Listen)

Album: Zoë

A little birdie told me that "Relapse" is far from Zoë's favourite track on her stunning debut but it pushes my buttons. Sounding like something Sirens could have recorded after putting the finishing touches to their classic Sara-Marie duet, this shot of Hi-NRG pop is more infectious than athlete's foot on a hot summer's day. It's also more radio-friendly than most of the album and would have lent itself to any number of risque video treatments - such as Zoë lounging around in a white latex straight-jacket in a mental asylum. See, I thought of everything!

19. Fuck Him He's A DJ - Ke$ha (Listen)

Album: I Am The Dance Commander + I Command You To Dance: The Remix Album

Everything K$ touches turns to gold - including this three-year-old demo she rescued from the recycle bin on her laptop to pimp out "I Am The Dance Commander". Could your fave?

18. Everybody Needs Love - Jennifer Hudson (Listen)

Album: I Remember Me

Jennifer Hudson's sophomore effort is one of 2011's most perplexing albums. It was bogged down by generic filler and ultimately doomed to failure by some of the craziest single choices in recent memory. BUT the misunderstood opus also boasts flourishes of unmistakable brilliance. Take this sublime Alicia Keys-penned disco anthem. Think of "Everybody Needs Love" as the fabulous sequel to Whitney Houston's "Million Dollar Bill". The song has everything - uplifting lyrics, gargantuan vocals and a funky groove that Loleatta Holloway would have been proud to call her own. Prepare to swoon.

17. Bad Kids - Lady Gaga (Listen)

Album: Born This Way

"Bad Kids" is the kind of music Lady Gaga should be making. It's experimental without sounding like a SNL parody and expertly taps into the near universal theme of teenage alienation. The splashes of '80s rock work surprising well against Fernando Garibay's cute beats and the chorus is something of a triumph. Most of all, I buy this Gaga. I'm sure people hated her at school (probably for being a pretentious cunt), so this track actually feels authentic. A rare commodity on "Born This Way".

16. Mama Hold My Hand - Aloe Blacc (Listen)

Album: Good Things

This is the "Someone Like You" for mama's boys with deep-seated emotional issues. As such, it pretty much destroys me every time I hear it.

15. I Love You - Avril Lavigne (Listen)

Album: Goodbye Lullaby

It boggles the mind that Max Martin and Shellback can churn out a seemingly endless stream of generic radio-hits for Britney but also manage to craft something as simple, pared-back and intrinsically Avril as "I Love You". There's not a bad song on "Goodbye Lullaby" (AKA the "4" of whiny guitar-pop albums) but this is definitely my favourite non-single. It's sweet, honest and just kind of washes over you in a very pleasant way with a minimum of fuss or bother.

14. Miles - Christina Perri (Listen)

Album: Lovestrong

I still can't decide if I love or hate Christina Perri. That stupid blond streak makes me want to slap her and "Jar Of Hearts" is absolutely ridiculous but I loved "Arms" and latched onto this cut from her uneven debut. "Miles" benefits from the guidance of the ever-reliable Greg Kurstin, who reigns in her love of bad metaphors and tendency to ramble. The result is an unusually perky mid-tempo love song with a suitably depressing twist. Please let this be her next single.

13. Dancin' Away With My Heart - Lady Antebellum (Listen)

Album: Own The Night

Country music made a huge impact on my iPod this year, with the all-conquering Lady Antebellum leading the charge. Not since the glory days of Shania Twain has an act walked the fine line between country and pop so effortlessly. I love every song on "Own The Night" but this nostalgic gem makes me melt. It was released as a pre-album promo single but surely a full release beckons? "For me you'll always be 18 and beautiful and dancin' away with my heart". Sigh.

12. Unbroken - Demi Lovato (Listen)

Album: Unbroken

As one third of this generation's holy trio of teen-pop icons (along with Selena and Miley), expectations were high for Demi's post-breakdown comeback. I missed the edgy pop-rock of her earlier albums at first but eventually came around to "Unbroken" and now recognise it as a future classic of "When The Sun Goes Down" proportions. It's hard to pick a favourite but the Leah Haywood-penned title-track definitely stands out as a future hit. This towering synth-pop anthem reminds me of Ricki-Lee's stunning "Raining Diamonds" - only with meaningful lyrics and an even better chorus.

11. Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Miley Cyrus (Listen)

Album: Can't Be Tamed

I know this was released in 2010 but I developed a whole new appreciation for "Can't Be Tamed" after her Australian tour in June. There were a lot of potential singles on that album but her cover of Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" could have been massive. This is such an improvement on the original and leads me to believe that a collection of '80s hair-rock anthems should be high on her 'to do' list.

10. All The Boys - Keri Hilson (Listen

Album: No Boys Allowed

How do you solve a problem like Miss Keri Baby? She is an embarrassment to the human race but I can't help but like her music. Take "All The Boys". This is one of the prettiest ballads in recent memory. I love the romantic sentiment and understated production. It's perfectly tailored to Keri's half-octave vocal range and ranks as a career highlight alongside "Knock Me Down" and "I Like".

9. Gone - Jennifer Hudson (Listen)

Album: I Remember Me

J Hud teams up with openly homophobic super-producer Polow Da Don for an epic re-make of Beyoncé's "Halo". There's no excuse for this not being a single. The mid-tempo ballad is irresistible radio fodder that shamelessly yanks at your heartstrings with its emotional lyrics and soaring, synth-drenched chorus. The line "Can you picture yourself getting older dear with someone else?" is particularly devastating. If Beyoncé and Kelly Clarkson ballads float your boat then check this out.

8. I Care - Beyoncé (Listen)

Album: 4

Speaking of King B, you didn't think I'd forget the 16-time Grammy winner/most successful artist of the millennium did you? I had to restrain myself from including every track from "4" and focus on the absolute highlights. One of the songs that grew on me more with each listen is the Jeff Bhasker-produced gem "I Care". This is a downright eerie pop song. The subject matter is unusually dark and destructive yet completely relatable. "I know you don't care too much but I still care" howls Bey against ominous beats and the year's quirkiest guitar solo. I feel her pain.

7. Still Getting Younger - Wynter Gordon (Listen)

Album: With The Music I Die

Wynter Gordon teams up with Australian electro-pop band Pnau for one of 2011's best dance anthems. This really is a marriage made in heaven. Winnie channels her inner-Donna Summer, while the producers take inspiration from "Fever"-era Kylie to deliver a knock-out punch. I know this was considered for the album's third single but was overlooked in favour of the admittedly fabulous "Buy My Love". Surely, there's still time for "Still Getting Younger" to have its moment in the sun? Discerning pop fans need this on their iPod.

6. Superman - Taylor Swift (Listen)

Album: Speak Now

"I watch Superman fly away, you got a busy day today" chirps Tay Tay annoyingly in this ridiculous piece of country-pop fluff. Listen, I'm not proud that this stunning bonus-track got lodged in my brain and refused to leave. After all, I have fully-formed boy parts and remember the '90s. But after months of fighting the urge to play this trash on repeat, I finally gave in. And you know what? I'm no longer ashamed. Team Taylor for the win!

5. Say Yes - Nicole Scherzinger (Listen)

Album: Killer Love

How many singles did my best friend Nicole release in 2011? 4 or 5? I've lost count. Most of them were solid choices but there's still no excuse for overlooking "Say Yes" - AKA the best RedOne song not stolen by Lady Gaga in 2011. Everything about this is epic. From the pleading chorus to Hitzinger's soaring vocal, this is top-notch pop and would have been massive.

4. End Of Time - Beyoncé (Listen)

Album: 4

I could, and probably will at some point, write a thesis about Beyoncé's bizarre choice of singles this era. The world just wasn't ready for next-level pop like "Run The World (Girls)", while "Best Thing I Never Had" was a tad too safe by comparison but nothing sticks in my craw like the shocking failure to release "End Of Time". This was the album's big radio hit. A glorious pop anthem with a monster chorus drenched in brass and interesting beeps and bleeps courtesy of Diplo and Switch. I really hope Bey makes a video for this triumphant masterpiece after giving birth to baby Jayoncé - from her vagina because she's really pregnant, haters! - in the same way she knocked out a last-minute clip for "Why Don't You Love Me?" This game-changer deserves to be heard.

3. Hair - Lady Gaga (Listen)

Album: Born This Way

It really pains me to say nice things about Lady Gaga but "Born This Way" was worth the $0.99 for this song alone. "Hair" shits all over rubbish like "Marry The Night" and "Judas". RedOne's best non-Kat DeLuna production of 2011 should have been the lead single, followed by "Edge Of Glory" and then "Bad Kids" or that lame (but secretly amazing) song about unicorns. That would have made this era bearable. But back to "Hair". The craziest thing about this anthem is that people still think it's about follicles. Gaga is clearly using hair as a metaphor for freedom and identity - two themes that make the track both powerful and uplifting.

2. Burn - Clare Maguire (Listen)

Album: Light After Dark

Sounding like Sophie Ellis-Bextor's earthier, chain-smoking cousin, Clare Maguire made a lot of people sit up and take notice with "Light After Dark". Unfortunately none of the singles made a huge splash on the charts, which probably has something to do with the fact that the best song on the album was relegated to bonus track status. "Burn" is - hands down - one of the best pop songs of 2011. It's a beautifully written synth-pop anthem with an unusually wistful chorus that showcases Clare's powerful pipes. I've had this on repeat all year and still love it as much as the first time I heard it. Very highly recommended.

1. Schoolin' Life - Beyoncé (below)

Album: 4

The best album track of 2011 - by quite some margin - is "Schoolin' Life". Bey's educational anthem sums up everything I love about "4". It cleverly mixes influences from pop giants like Prince, Michael Jackson and La Toya to create something completely untamed and original. Which other major pop diva would dare to release a meandering retro-pop tune that hands out life advice against a bed of synths not heard since 1984? It's brave, different and completely uncommercial. Every line is quotable and I love the rich vein of humour that runs through the song. When all is said and done, I don't care that "4" is only the 7th highest selling album of 2011. My fave guided the masses to happiness and fulfilment in five incredibly catchy minutes. Yours had to run around naked in a field, singing generic trash to get a hit. I win. Bye.

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The 2011 Anti-ARIAs

Nominees for the 2011 ARIA Awards were announced today and the recipients leave a lot to be desired. All the usual suspects got nods - Kasey Chambers and John Farnham - as well as the current indie-darlings/flavours of the month like Kimbra and Boy & Bear. In a nutshell, it's same old, boring shit. The golden rule obviously still applies. If you're playlisted on JJJ and sell no records - you're in. If you had a hit and enjoy an international following then fuck off. While the prospect of watching personality free-zones like Gotye collect a bunch of awards is truly harrowing, I've decided to blunt the pain by pointing out where the committee went wrong. No doubt some of these choices will get love next year but in the meantime here are 2011 Anti-ARIA nominations:

Album of the Year
Boy & Bear - Moonfire
Cut Copy - Zonoscope
Eskimo Joe - Ghosts of the Past
Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu - Rrakala
Grinderman - 2

This is a particularly dire category. Does the title of Grinderman's album stand for the number of copies sold? And Eskimo Joe. Really? Why not include Thirsty Merc for that added dose of credibility. While I can take or leave Boy & Bear, Cut Copy's album was worth a listen. To be honest, I haven't got around to hearing "Rrakala" but I like the singles - so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt. However, the following masterpieces really should have been amongst it:

Get 'Em Girls - Jessica Mauboy
J. Malley's edgy hip-hop opus was clearly better than your faves.

Gilgamesh - Gypsy & The Cat
Dreamy and beautiful electro-pop that didn't try too hard.

Zoë - Zoë Badwi
Australia's Queen of dance delivered the goods on her debut.

From Here To Anywhere - Sneaky Sound System
Another triumph from Miss Connie and that hanger-on.

Coast To Coast - Cody Simpson
While I'm still getting over the omission of "iYiYi", this is clearly the musical event of the year.

Single of the Year
Birds of Tokyo - Wild at Heart
Boy & Bear - Feeding Line
Drapht - Rapunzel
Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know (feat. Kimbra)
Guy Sebastian - Who's That Girl (feat. Eve)
The Jezabels - Dark Storm

Yep, more boring shit in this category. While it would have been ridiculous to ignore Gotye and Guy's chart-topping quadruple platinum smashes, nobody gives a fuck about Drapht's hot mess or that cure for insomnia by Boy & Bear. I like The Jezabels but "Dark Storm" is just noise. The annoying thing is that there were so many gems to choose from including:

Freefallin' - Zoë Badwi
She even made dancing in a sewer with a bunch of battered gays look sexy in the video. Winning.

Rock It - Little Red
Soft, melodic and just generally good.

Titanium - David Guetta feat. Sia
Unavoidable and all-conquering.

Inescapable - Jessica Mauboy
After murdering our eardrums and burning our retinas with her "Get 'Em Girls" song and video, Jess came good on this Diane Warren-penned gem.

Big - Sneaky Sound System
Epic would have been a better title.

iYiYi - Cody Simpson
The highlight of Flo Rida's career.

Endless Summer - The Jezabels
This band is seriously awesome when they throw in a chorus.

Why'd You Have To Kiss Me So Hard - Laura Imbruglia
My girl crush continues to thrive in obscurity.

Something About You - Nick Jay Feat. Melissa Tkautz
It's been 20 years since E Street and Mel is still as relevant as the day she started in music.

Jona Vark - Gypsy & Cat
Killer track that is currently burning up the charts in Germany.

Play With Me - Chloe Lattanzi
Olivia must be so proud.

Even Though I'm A Woman - Lover Seeker Keeper
A Sarah Blasko song that doesn't suck. Rejoice!

Loud - Stan Walker
Taio Cruz could never.

Jungle - Emma Louise
Flawless electro-tinged indie-pop from Australia's next big thing.

Next 2 U - Gina G
A #197 smash on the iTunes (dance/electronic) chart proves that the 90s icon still has what it takes.

China - Sparkadia
Hauntingly beautiful.

Put Your Hands Up (If You Feel Love) - Kylie
The old girl still has it.

Settle Down - Kimbra
The closest thing to a good song on the overrated diva's debut.

Own This Club - Marvin Priest
Smart, commercial urban-pop that people actually downloaded and enjoyed.

Gathu Mawula - Gurrumul & Blue King Brown
This should be our new national anthem.

Best Male Artist
Drapht - The Life of Riley
Gareth Liddiard - Strange Tourist
Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu - Rrakala
Gotye - Somebody That I Used to Know (feat. Kimbra)
Josh Pyke - No One Wants a Lover

What a pack of losers! I don't even know where to start with this collection of has-beens and never-weres. Gotye gets a pass and Gurrumul is actually talented but scrap the rest and choose from the following pop-pioneers:

Stan Walker
Anyone about to embark on a tour of RSL clubs with Jessica Mauboy deserves to be recognised in this category.

Guy Sebastian
"Who's That Girl" going four times platinum and getting US airplay should have been enough for a nod.

Cody Simpson
The omission of Australia's King of pop from this category is like overlooking Adele at next year's Grammy awards. Unforgivable!

Best Female Artist
Adalita - Adalita
Clare Bowditch - Are You Ready Yet?
Kasey Chambers - Little Bird
Kimbra - Cameo Lover
Washington - Holy Moses

What a bunch of tired, old bitches and over-hyped pretenders! They all belong on the scrap-heap. Try one of these luscious ladies instead:

Zoë Badwi
A living legend. Nuff said.

Vanessa Amorosi
While "Gossip" is possibly the worst song of 2011, bad music sometimes happens to good people. "Amazing" shows that Ness Ness is back on track and it goes without saying that she could outsing any of these tricks with a mouth of food and laryngitis.

Jessica Mauboy
Who else in this country consistently has top 10 hits?

Laura Imbruglia
My glorious lover is due for a win some time before 2025.

Chloe Lattanzi
The face. That voice. Those tits. One day this goddess will be rewarded with more ARIAs than she can carry.

Kylie Minogue
You know for her stunning top 60 smash hits "Better Than Today" and "Put Your Hands Up".

Best Group
Birds of Tokyo - Wild at Heart
Boy & Bear - Moonfire
Eskimo Joe - Ghosts of the Past
Grinderman - 2
The Living End - The Ending Is Just The Beginning Repeating

Just cut and paste what I wrote about the best album nominations. With one exception. I'm stoked that The Living End got a nod. I love them and hope they win. Which they won't but still. Here are five bands that were sorely overlooked. Without commentary because it's late and I can't be bothered.

Lover Seeker Keeper
Parralox
Potbelleez
Bang Raiders
Sparkadia

Breakthrough Artist - Single
Boy & Bear - Feeding Line
Drapht - Rapunzel
Havana Brown - We Run The Night
The Jezabels - Dark Storm
Zoe Badwi - Freefallin'

This category is kind of fun. I applaud the voters for recognising the brilliance of Ms Badwi and for supporting an old tranny like Havana. Unfortunately, the rest of the entries are crap. Any of these breakthrough hits would have been preferable:

Elen Levon - Naughty
Australia's new teen queen is making serious waves with her awesome debut single.

Chloe Lattanzi - Play With Me
Did your fave snort cocaine and repeatedly kill herself in her critically acclaimed (by me) music video?

Prinnie - Lion
The best Beyoncé rip off of 2011.

Jenna Dwyer - Fight Like A Girl
A wrestler turned electro-pop diva mentored by Mandy Kane. Do I need to say more?

Kimbra - Settle Down
Well, this actually did lead to bigger and better things so she deserves it.

Most Popular International Artist
Adele
Chris Brown
Jennifer Lopez
Jessie J
Ke$ha
Lady Gaga
LMFAO
P!nk
Pitbull
Rihanna

These hacks were actually voted in by members of the Australian public. I'm flabbergasted and ashamed. With the exception of Ke$ha, this list sucks harder than Kim K in that Ray J video. These music legends were all robbed:

Beyoncé
Oh Land
La Toya Jackson
Kelly Rowland
Justin Bieber
Soraya Arnelas
Selena Gomez
Shontelle
Victoria Justice
Luciana
Kan Mi Youn
Nicole Scherzinger
Foster The People
Kate Ryan
Courtney Stodden
Khia
Lady Antebellum
Victoria S
Miley Cyrus

Watch in awe as the girl formerly known as Hannah Montana improves Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Are you embarrassed for not voting for her yet?

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Zoë Badwi - Album Review

Zoë Badwi's album has been out for a while now but as Sirens' biggest (and possibly only) fan, I feel it's my duty to preach the virtues of this wondrous listening experience to anyone who will listen. There's another reason why this project is close to my heart. A long time ago in galaxy far, far away I did some work for Neon Records and one of my first tasks was putting together digital promos for Zoë's early club hits like "Don't Wan'cha", which didn't make the album, and "In The Moment", which did. Since then I've followed the blond bombshell's career closely and know how much hard work has gone into this extremely impressive album. Here is my track by track review:

Freefallin'

Zoë's irresistible commercial breakthrough needs no introduction. Co-written by legendary three-hit wonder Amy Pearson, the uplifting dance anthem rocketed into the national top 10 and ruled the airwaves for months. Everything about this is perfect, from the uplifting lyrics to Denzal Park's perky production. It was always going to be hard to duplicate the magic but a couple of tunes come close.

Until You're Over Me

I love DNA. The songwriters behind Marvin Priest's "Own This Club" - among other hits - team up with the omnipresent Amy Pearson to create another epic floorfiller. This is being bandied about as the album's next single but I'm not convinced it's the right choice. "Until You're Over Me" is lovely (and I've always had a soft spot for bittersweet dance music) but it's a bit too soft and pretty for commercial radio.

Release Me

This fucking song could survive a nuclear war. Three years after it was released, I still hear "Release Me" every time I go out. And that's the way I like it. The TV Rock-produced anthem is insidiously catchy and easy to sing along to while inebriated making it a true Oxford street classic.

Carry Me Home

Zoë's cover of Sarah Connor's "Carry Me Home" is the kind of classy, mid-tempo electronica that rarely gets made in this country. The song's thoughtful dance overhaul works a treat and it has a rich, dreamy quality that sets it apart from the usual club fare. I still don't get the video but you can't have everything.

Accidents Happen

Time to come clean. I never liked this clumsy pop tune and only pretended to be mildly enthusiastic to avoid offending anyone. Sorry!

Never Let You Go

I swear Amy Pearson's butterfingers are all over this album. The British sex symbol has songwriting credits on 8 of the 12 tracks. Unfortunately, this is easily her worst contribution. "Never Let You Go" isn't awful. It's just kind of there. The lyrics are generic and Zoë inexplicably sounds like Alison Goldfrapp with a head cold. Only slightly better than "Accidents Happen".

Reckless

After a couple of underwhelming cuts, the album bounces back on track with this killer anthem. Another DNA production, "Reckless" is furiously upbeat and extremely catchy. I love the chorus and sentiment of the lyrics. This sounds radio ready and should be a strong contender for the LP's next single.

One Step Behind

This is great too! I love the spacey production - courtesy of Grant Smillie and Nordean - and the quirky sound palette. It's thematically odd but I'm twisted so I kind of like that. From what I can tell "One Step Behind" is a darkly romantic stalker anthem. Play this loud the next time you're having a Single White Female moment!

In The Moment (Denzal Park Edit)

I love "In The Moment" but the original trance-tastic version is infinitely superior. Download that from iTunes instead and brace yourself for the magic of this fabulous 90s flashback.

Believe You

Zoë Badwi tackling a pared-back ballad is like hearing Barbra Streisand experiment with death metal. Somewhat disconcerting. It took me a couple of listens to wrap my head around this startling development but ultimately "Believe You" is as satisfying as a freshly cooked cheesy nugget. Exquisite!

Relapse

And the award for my favourite song on the album goes to "Relapse". If Nicki French covered ABBA the resulting masterpiece would struggle to be as camp as this piping hot mess. On an album heavy with sleek floorfillers, this poptastic gem stands out like a sore thumb. In a good way. This would be my choice for the next single. It's big, dumb fun that gets stuck in your head after one listen. I'm obsessed.

The Other Side

Happily, "Zoë" ends on a high note. "The Other Side" covers similar lyrical ground to "Freefallin'" - it's about moving forward with your life - but it has a distinctly darker edge. I like the brooding production and understated chorus. This is further proof of Zoë's growing versatility and depth as an artist.

8/10

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