Shit I Like - March 2013

I know I've been terrible at updating my blog lately but I'm still trawling the net for the best in high quality pop. No, really. And after an incredibly slow start to the year, the drought has finally broken and a steady trickle of great music is slowly reviving my stricken iPod. In a perfect world I would write individual posts on all of these amazing tunes but I honestly can't be fucked. So here is a summary of the music I like at the moment. In no particular order.

Something's Got A Hold Of Me - Jessica Mauboy (Video)

The footy returns this weekend - I'll be there to see my team defeat the Warriors on Saturday. See you in 72 hours, Sarah! - and I'm praying they blast this year's theme song on a loop. Jessica Mauboy never fails to impress and her dance cover of Etta James' "Something's Got A Hold Of Me" is seriously epic. The only drawback is that it covers familiar territory. Avicii and Flo Rida both sampled this track recently and it feels a tad stale. Oh well, I'm still loving it.

Falling - Haim (Video)

America's hippest girlband rocked my world with "Don't Save Me", which landed in my top 10 singles of 2012. Their dreamy brand of Californian-pop pushes all my buttons and their latest single is another triumph. Ladies, I'm ready to be slayed by an album. I haven't been this excited about a new act since Lana Del Rey.

Save Myself - Sophie Ellis-Bextor (Listen)

Oh how I've missed Sophie's sophisticated brand of dance-pop! Nobody's voice sounds better hovering elegantly above icy cold synths than the "Murder On The Dancefloor" diva. Her latest offering comes from the new Brian Cross  - think Spanish David Guetta - album and it's devastatingly brilliant. Even if it sounds like every other track she's ever record. Pay close attention to the lyrics. This is the classiest raised middle finger I've ever heard!

Who Am I? - Tiny Dancer (Video)

Everyone knows how much I love Luciana. Well, Tiny Dancer is one of her side projects. This song was written by the Queen of Clubs and husband Nick Clow, who has his own single coming out next month. I don't know much about the actual performer but "Who Am I?" reminds me of Danish alt-pop diva Oh Land. It's quirky and jarring and all sorts of wonderful. I can't wait to hear more.

Don't Let Me Down - Solange (Live)

Don't get me wrong. I loved Solo's EP when it dropped late last year and included it in my top 10 albums of 2012 but I don't think I had enough time to fully digest the flawlessness of True. Each track is superb and becomes richer with each listen. Take "Don't Let Me Down". I didn't think I could love it anymore but then Solange performed it on Letterman and I played it on a loop for three days. Beyoncé really has a lot to live up to.

Tangled Up - Caro Emerald (Listen)

Think of Caro as the Dutch Adele. And no, it's got nothing to do with her figure. The diva's jazztastic debut album broke sales records in her homeland and shipped more than a million copies across Europe. Her breezy tunes are perfect background/driving music - I mean this as a compliment - and I particularly love it when she dabbles in poppier material like she does on the amazing "Dr. Wanna Do". The first taste of her sophomore effort is more sedate but grew on me after a couple of listens. Bring on The Shocking Miss Emerald!

In My Head (Promise Land Radio Edit) - Loreen (Listen)

You know how Loreen's album was really quite good but nothing quite grabbed you like "Euphoria"? Well, someone has remedied that by commissioning the exquisite Promise Land remix of Heal highlight "In My Head". This is dark and foreboding but builds and builds into an old school dance anthem. If she released more songs like this the Swede would have been a lot better received at Mardi Gras. My favourite quip from a baffled partygoer: "Vanessa Amorosi has lost weight". Bye.

We Get High - Justina (Video)

I've stanned for New Jersey's realest rap chick since profiling her for Idolator and she is yet to let me down. "We Get High" is the perfect anthem to bump when you're blazed and driving to the nearest McDonalds to combat the munchies. Justina is one lucky break away from making a huge splash in the music world. I'm keeping the faith and getting high on her music in the meantime.

Hearts Go Crazy - Parachute (Listen)

The last time I checked this American band made shoe-gazing indie-pop, so imagine my surprise when they dropped this gorgeous electronic track. "Hearts Go Crazy" is my jam at the moment. If Depeche Mode ever sold out and recorded a party anthem it would probably sound a lot like this. It's dark and brooding enough to be interesting but ultimately makes me want to grab a drink and push people out of my way on the nearest dancefloor.

Con Fuego - Soraya (Listen) 

The Queen of Spanish - actually, fuck that - European pop is back with another club banger. It's a harder dance sound than we're used to hearing from Soraya but she could sing the Nicki Minaj Songbook and I'd still be in heaven. The rent-a-rapper, however, is questionable and sounds completely out of place on an otherwise decent dance track.

En La Obscuridad - Belinda (below)

Belinda is the most underrated pop diva on the planet. Sure, she's huge in Mexico but a talent this towering should be number one all over the world. "En La Obscuridad" is a brilliant pop song that crosses the language barrier faster than Taylor Swift's eyes scan for dick. Play it loud.

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Natalia Guns For Soraya's Pop Crown

I know what's going on here. With Soraya busy burning up the club charts around the world in Poland and Uzbekistan, Natalia is trying to snatch her superstar countrywoman's international pop crown. Sorry, bitch - it's not gonna happen! Don't get me wrong. I like Natalia and her flop dance anthems but she just doesn't have the vocal prowess to match the pride of Extremadura. Could she place 23rd at Eurovision? I don't think so! Many of you are probably wondering who the fuck I'm writing about. Well, the 29-year-old beauty is best thought of as the Spanish Britney Spears. She can't sing or dance but people kind of feel sorry for her. 

Since leaping to fame on a talent show in 2001, Natalia has released five albums. The first two were successful but the last one stalled at number 55. That basically killed her career but she's on the comeback trail and has released a couple of catchy club anthems. "Indomita" is no exception. It was released last year and was well-received. At least online. Not content with conquering Spain with her lyrical genius, the diva is now hoping to reach a wider audience with an English language version. I'm not sure it's the best idea. For starters, Natalia's accent is heavier than Adele and something was clearly lost in translation. The song makes no sense!

But while I vastly prefer the Spanish version, "Indomita" is not without its charms. I love the bubbly Eurotrash production - complete with tragic D-Mol rap - and stupid chorus. The video is also a treat. Despite being a bigger flop than Nicola Roberts, Natalia is apparently chased around Europe by screaming fans. Who is she trying to kid? Apart from that hilarity, Soraya's new nemesis spends most of the clip dancing like an idiot at the club and lying unconscious in bed while a sexy nun fawns over her. So a typical Saturday night in Spain. Watch 2012 classiest production below!

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Pop Panel 2012 - Volume 2

After last week's not entirely disastrous return, I've decided to revive Pop Panel on a fortnightly basis. Every second Sunday there will be a new battle to determine the best track currently making the rounds online. This week's winner was well-deserved but let's face facts. A certain senorita was robbed and there will be hell to pay! On the bright side, there is some next level gay-bitching this time around and the outcome offers further proof that fine pop music transcends race and language. Ok, let's get started. Tonight's Panel consists of the following regulars:

Robbie (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog
Jacques (Aus) writer of The Prophet

We are also joined by the following judges:

Toya (UK) writer of Toya'z World

This blog icon needs no introduction. Toya's site is the place to visit for all the tea on your urban faves. Welcome!

and

Justina (US) - rising rap superstar and confectionery enthusiast

I'm excited to introduce Justina - our first celebrity judge of 2012. This New Jersey-born MC was recently signed to Universal and is gearing up to release her first mixtape Route 80. I fell in love with her super-catchy new single "Bubble Gum" (below) and think she brings something fresh and exciting to the game. Learn more about the hottest new rap chick on the block here.

The results are ranked from lowest to highest.

Dev (feat. Enrique Iglesias) – Naked (Video)

The basic bitch from "Like A G6" somehow hooks up with Enrique on her latest single.

Jacques: Dev 'sings' "You've got a girl that doesn't look a thing like me." Um duh, that's because you look like a damn tranny. Poor DEVoid looked cute in some of her other videos, but whoever styled her here deserves to be shot through the peehole. It also doesn't help that this flaccid pindick of a song is total shit. It's like an even crapper version of Enrique's lame collabo with Flopzinger "Heartbeat". Not even my Latin lover's good looks can save this monotonous mess. 0/5
Justina: I think this is a good song. Good production, writing etc. Enrique Iglesias is smokin' hot. Dev really lucked out with the people she linked up with. I think she is moderately talented and not at all cute. 4/5
Mike: How does this pointless piece of electro-pop roadkill even have a record deal - let alone work with producers like Timbaland and nab Enrique to appear on her latest flop? Something in the milk ain't clean! 1/5
Robbie: Sucks shit at epic proportions. 0/5
Toya: I was first introduced to Dev last year when she appeared on a JLS single, not even realising she was the vocal behind the smash hit "Like a G6". Call me sexist but I'll watch any video with Enrique Iglesias in it. So imagine my disappointment that there were no sex scene or making out activity going on. Isn't that a first for Enrique? Not to make out with his female co-star? It was needed to distract from the generic, Europop-inspired club beat. And bear in mind, the song is called "Naked" too. But yet, there is no shredding of clothes. The video was crispier and drier than a woman's vagina after its owner encountered a strip tease from Rick Ross. 2/5
Total: 7/25

Roxette – It's Possible (Video)

Swedish pop legends return - much to the delight of your parents!

Jacques: Dead @ Roxette making a comeback. Their music reminds me too much of the boring pub mother used to drag me to as a child while she drank, so I'm giving this a fail score for bad memories alone. 1/5
Justina: This was my favorite song of them all. Super funky. I was groovin' to this one heavy! 5/5
Mike: Damn. Per and Marie requisitioned the Vengabus and went for a joyride. Geddit? 3.5/5
Robbie: Out of the two albums Roxette have released in the past two years, this and "Speak To Me" are probably the best single to emerge. That said, something about Per's vocals are slightly grating here. 2.5/5
Toya: I'm not a fan of tour visuals (boring) and despite the obviously computer-generated backdrop, they delivered a fun and quirky visionary. These guys have been around since forever and by delivering their trademark pop-rock, laced with some punk and modernised rock 'n' roll, they're really sticking to what's true to them. 3/5
Total: 15/25

Bim – Scream (Video)

One of those acts you see on Pop Justice and other flop sites.

Jacques: Oh look, it's a less lame version of The Ting Tings. I bet that old queen that runs Popjustice and Keith Caulfield from Billboard are both fisting themselves to this song. With that said, I kinda like it too, and I'll give it an extra half a point for the band name rhyming with RIM. 3.5/5
Justina: The song was cool. Video was ok. My attention got lost by the bridge. 3/5
Mike: This hot bitch needs to ditch the dude and go solo! His contribution drags an otherwise lovely piece of English electro-pop down the dumper. 2.5/5
Robbie: Sounds like what happens when Ellie Goulding straddles a keyboard and rides it down the stairs. 4/5
Toya: Yawnfest. The video looks like a cheap experiment for a university media assignment. I'm shocked I've never heard of them as I'm well versed on the British chart scene (I'm f*cking British myself for crying out loud). Maybe I just didn't care enough to explore their brand of indie electropop. Next. 1/5
Total: 15/25

Timomatic – If Looks Could Kill (Video)

Currently Australia's hottest male pop star. This is the follow-up to the three-times platinum smash "Set It off".

Jacques: It's so embarrassign when irrelevant countries like Australia try to launch local versions of flops like Taio Cruz. Timomatic's two singles are better than most of Taio's recent output though, and the big black queen can dance, so that has to count for something. 3/5
Justina: This shit right hurr was HOT. He's like the Aussie Breezy! 5/5
Mike: A shining example of the urban-dance genre done right. The nuclear-powered chorus is perfection and DNA's slick production gives it international appeal. 5/5
Robbie: So Australia has its very own Taio Cruz drag queen? 0/5
Toya: This dude looks like he could very well be Australia's answer to a second rate Usher, at least Usher during his dancepop phase? Then I saw all the acrobatics and he reminded me of Chris Brown as well. I'd definitely say he's a nice balance between the two. There's a nice R&B tone to his voice but he's not doing anything that hasn't been done before elsewhere. I've seen better. 2.5/5
Total: 15.5/25

Soraya - I Believe (Video)

Spain's Queen of pop has a song on the Mirror Mirror soundtrack.

Jacques: Now I know why Mike stans for this trick! This is a stunning anthem. I can't believe that I had to re-rate this though after the flop panel judges from the last round all 'forgot' to rate it. I guess they knew that Soraya would snatch their fave's wig, so a few bad eggs got together and went on strike. #Shady 4/5
Justina: I'm lost. Was it a cover or her original? It seems some other people also sing it? 2/5
Mike: Soraya te amo! Tu musica es la mejor y tu bella cara me la pone dura. Vamos a casarnos y nos mudamos a Extremadura! Tambien va por tu novio tan sexy. 5/5
Robbie: I believe this song is probably 50 times better than the flop movie Mirror Mirror it's tied in with. 4/5
Toya: Spanglish pop doesn't do much for me at all as a genre of music but this one is insanely catchy. The video? Not much can be said. It's just clips from Julia Roberts 'Mirror Mirror' movie interspersed with that of music video footage made from cardboard backgrounds. A recession budget at its pure finest. 2/5
Total: 17/25

The Jezabels – Rosebud (Video)

Australian indie darlings are hoping to take the UK by storm with the latest single from Prisoner.

Jacques: I wanted to trash this because I know Mike loves The Jezabels and I felt like being pointlessly spiteful today, but I can't resist the 80s realness that this amazing song is giving me. Sadly, I need to deduct a few points because there's a VEVO ad promoting The Shaturdays latest stinker "30 Turds" directly below the "Rosebud" video. 2/5
Justina: This song was cool... very throwback-y and old school. I liked the song better than the video. The video got a little draggy for me. 3/5
Mike: Fuck you, Jacques! I'll get my revenge next week. You're clearly pressed that The Jezagods are global icons while ya faves are miming for small change in Korea! Shame about the ratchet video though. 4.5/5
Robbie: While normally I'd chuck a band going for an '80s/early '90s sound out the window, The Jezabels are fantastic, front diva Hayley Mary is a goddess and "Rosebud" is a fucking jam. 5/5
Toya: This video is not the most original one ever and it looks very dated and cheap but it does match the overall tone and nostalgic vibe of the song. I think the vintage feel was an intended concept. "Rosebud" isn't just your typical '80s sounding pop-rock track. It is one that exhibits an essence of intoxication. Solid. 3/5
Total: 17.5/25

Toni Braxton – I Heart You (Video)

'90s R&B icon goes dance on her first independent release.

Jacques: Who the fuck would have thought that Toni Braxton would release one of the best dance songs of the year? It's so dated, but in the absolute best way possible. This is the bomb.com! 5/5
Justina: I like Toni, but I didn't love this. The video looked like a soft porn at first... never really got into it. She looks much better with long hair and without the lamp shade on her head. "Unbreak My Heart" was the jam. 3/5
Mike: Tamar's slightly more successful sister is hoping to keep the creditors at bay by angling for the pink dollar with the year's most desperate and dated dance anthem. It goes without saying that I fucking love it. 4/5
Robbie: The only thing not retro about this desperate trash is Toni's new face. 2/5
Toya: I love Toni. When I heard this I was indifferent about the production but now I just love it. I wasn't totally thrilled at first because it seemed she was just doing what a lot of R&B acts are doing now - jumping on the ever popular dancepop bandwagon. But she's made the transition from R&B legend to classy dance diva very well. The video was absolute garbage, but at least the male lead was drool-worthy. I’m totally slayed by her vocals more than anything. Just listen to that flawless intro. I need that in my life in full ballad form. 4/5
Total: 18/25

SINGLE OF THE WEEK

SHINee – Sherlock (below)

New stuff from one of Asia's biggest boybands.

Jacques: Fucking amazing. This is like The Jackson 5 through the eyes of Diplo. And Jonghyun and Key are so hot, I want an all-bottom threesome with them where we just eat each others asses for hours on end but nobody actually fucks each other. 5/5
Justina: I was confused by this song because I think they were singing the words "I'm so curious, yea" in the hook and then ad-libbing in English at the end... but the rest was in Chinese?! And the one dude was really pretty, he has the same exact haircut as me. I definitely thought he was a chick at first. But I digress... I see that the song definitely has huge pop potential and I could see teeny boppers who can understand what they're saying loving it... So I'll say. 4/5
Mike: I just can't with Taemin's hair. Ami Suzuki called and wants her look back! Apart from that glaring fashion faux-pas, SHINee's latest incarnation is pretty exciting. I love the sonic clash of Motown influences and ultra-modern electro-beats. It doesn't quite work but at least they're experimenting with new sounds unlike their flop English counterparts. 4/5
Robbie: My Korean friend (who, for the record, has a dog is named SHINee) clued me in to "Sherlock" recently. I've heard better from this pack of twinkletz, but I'm so curious, anyway. 4/5
Toya: The production and vocal arrangement is like a retro Michael Jackson circa 1990s. A very dated sound. And you can even say they were tributing him with that choreography as well. I laughed at some of their execution. They certainly get bonus points for entertainment value. I don't find them sexy at all and their overall style is the epitome of straight up corny. 2/5
Total: 19/25

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Feeling You - Soraya's Latest Video Triumph

A couple of weeks ago I posted Soraya's latest collaboration with French DJ Antoine Clamaran and now the long-awaited visual has arrived. As usual, Spain's gift to the world heats up the screen with her flawless beauty and magnetic charisma. I couldn't take my eyes off her and there are hot men in this clip! Apart from the Eurovision legend's elaborate fashion shoots, the clip is rather straightforward. It combines behind-the-scenes footage of the team in the studio with Antoine doing his thing in a nightclub. I guess it would be boring if anyone else did it but I could watch Soraya do a crossword - in real time - and still be fascinated. Happily, they leave the best for last when the dance diva wakes up in bed with Antoine and Vince M. So edgy! Check out the year's first great floorfiller below.

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Soraya Kickstarts 2012 With "Feeling You"

A year has passed since Soraya last blessed our ears with new music but the Spanish pop icon/world's leading James Brown impersonator has broken the drought by releasing a hot new dance anthem. "Feeling You" is yet another stunning collaboration with French DJ Antoine Clamaran. You might remember that they joined forces on the worldwide smash "Live Your Dreams" and the #193 Russian airplay hit "Stick Shift".

If either of those jams pushed your buttons, then you will love their latest concoction. "Feeling You" - already #3 on the Spanish iTunes dance chart - is an upbeat floorfiller with splashes of '90s house and even some Balearic beats thrown in for good measure. Most importantly, it showcases the Eurovision legend's exquisite vocals. When is an Australian label going to pick up this amazing diva? She's clearly the next Madonna!

However, I have two questions:

1) Why is Antoine always calling up Soraya to improve his tunes? I hope he's not trying to steal my woman!

2) Who is the old man on the right? Sorry, Vince M. You're the weakest link.

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Soraya's Latest Triumph

Soraya has cemented her status as Europe's leading vocalist by dressing up as James Brown - complete with brown face - and covering "I Feel Good" on Spanish TV. Her version is so much better than the original. Is there anything this woman can't do? From coming 23rd at Eurovision to scoring a number 89 airplay hit in Russia, the pride of Extremadura has experienced more success in the past two years than your fave will in a life time! One question though. Where is the fucking "Stick Shift" video? And why have there been no further singles from "Dreamer"? I think the answer is clear. Soraya is simply too sexy for the European Union and conservative politicians have conspired to derail her triumphant career. The time has come for the pop legend to spread her wings and move to Australia where her talent will be appreciated. But maybe leave the brown paint in Spain. And hurry up and release "I Got You" or "Twilight" as a single!

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