Miss Keri Baby turned 29 today (in dog years maybe) and I think it's only appropriate that we take a moment to reflect on the R&B legend's stunning legacy - like playing second fiddle to Nicole Scherzinger on "Scream" and that song she had with Kanye. How does she stay so relevant? To celebrate Skeri's amazing contribution to pop culture and endless string of non-charting singles, check out this breathtaking tribute video (below) that truly captures the essence of the pussy poppin' pioneer. My favourite moment is when she gets punched in the head by her own security guard. Could your fave?Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Miss Keri Baby turned 29 today (in dog years maybe) and I think it's only appropriate that we take a moment to reflect on the R&B legend's stunning legacy - like playing second fiddle to Nicole Scherzinger on "Scream" and that song she had with Kanye. How does she stay so relevant? To celebrate Skeri's amazing contribution to pop culture and endless string of non-charting singles, check out this breathtaking tribute video (below) that truly captures the essence of the pussy poppin' pioneer. My favourite moment is when she gets punched in the head by her own security guard. Could your fave?
"I Was Here". That is straight from Sony Australia's PR department, so it's 100% official. The Diane Warren-penned power ballad was sent to radio on Monday and should impact the airplay chart this Friday. I don't know how I feel about this. On the one hand, "Party" and "Countdown" would not work here - the former is too urban and the latter is just too quirky for our airwaves. On the other, "I Was Here" does not exactly scream summer smash. Don't get me wrong. I love the song to bits and have a minor breakdown every time I hear it but the soaring anthem is a bit hard to swallow in between the latest fluff from Katy Perry and Ke$ha. The obvious choice would have been "End Of Time" or maybe even the amazing "Schoolin' Life" (if they wanted to get creative). Both tracks are infectious summer jams with sing-a-long choruses but what do I know? Bey's last three Australian singles have reached the top 20 and gone platinum, so it will be interesting to see how well this does. I have my fingers crossed for a non-Roseland video or at least an official digital release with a cover. I will even make it myself. For free. Please? Time to start requesting/downloading. If this takes off we might just get a "4" re-release!
Monday, 5 December 2011
How do you judge a hit these days? It sounds like a stupid question. You just go to iTunes or check your country's latest official chart. Right? I'd argue it's not that easy. The extinction of physical singles has resulted in a downloading free-for-all. You can now grab a couple of album tracks from Coldplay's new cure for insomnia as well as your favourite Christmas carol and that song Reece covered on X Factor. No complaints here. I do exactly same thing but are any of those chart-eligible mp3s representative of week's hottest singles? I'd argue no. When you throw in the unavoidable bias for artists with young or militant gay fans (ie. the people who are actually willing to spend $2.19 on a stupid computer file), the whole thing becomes even more skewered. The situation is worse in America where radio play and views on social media platforms like YouTube enter the mix. Does anyone really understand how the Billboard Charts are calculated? For starters, who is Ace Hood and why are all the country songs stalled between 60 and 80 on the Hot 100? But I digress.The inspiration for this post was actually the success - at least to my mind - of Avril Lavigne's "Wish You Were Here". I instantly adored the Max Martin/Shellback-produced ballad when I first listened to "Goodbye Lullaby" way back in February and have grown to love it more with each passing month. However, even I thought the Canadian diva was wasting her time when she decided to release it as a single in September. The album had been dead for months and the once all-conquering pop-rocker appeared to be one of those unfortunate artists who are cursed with an ageing fanbase that can't be bothered with, or simply don't understand, the wonderful of legal downloading. Janet, Madonna and Mariah all feel her pain!
But then something strange happened. "Wish You Were Here" crawled its way up the pop airplay chart despite being added to approximately half the number of channels as current radio titans like Rihanna and Katy Perry. That encouraged Avril to sing on a couple of late-night talkshows and the emotional anthem started climbing the US iTunes chart and recently debuted at 99 on the Hot 100. Those achievements combined with the understated video's 50 million+ views on YouTube (more than recent clips from Beyoncé, Britney and Lady Gaga) make the song a raging success in my book. If she benefited from a tenth of the blog coverage of those divas and was given a fair shot at radio, I'm sure she would be celebrating another top 10 hit. It will be interesting to see if Avril's latest can keep on going or has already done its dash. Either way, "Wish You Were Here" has connected with people in a way that I don't believe is accurately reflected by its lacklustre charts position. Check out the clip below and download it from iTunes if it pushes your buttons. Be festive and help a bitch out!
Sunday, 4 December 2011
So I finally got around to watching Lady Gaga's "Marry The Night" video tonight - a whole three days after it premiered. That little statistic speaks volumes. In the past a new clip from Mother Monster was cause for celebration. I would be glued to my computer, waiting to see how much further she could raise the bar for music videos. Say what you like about the Benjamin Buttons of pop. Before Gaga started spending money on clips towards the end of the "Fame" era, blockbuster visuals were as hard to find as Rihanna's dignity. But then came "Paparrazzi", the all-conquering "Bad Romance" and already iconic "Telephone".Suddenly, pop stars started delivering the goods again. Katy Perry is now dropping her own special-effects laden mini-movies, RiRi re-made Trainspotting for "We Found Love" and poor, old Britney did her best to look lucid in "I Wanna Go". This makes Lady Gaga's current run of visual flops all the more confusing. How did she fall this far? I liked the camp horror aesthetic of "Born This Way" but the other MVs from this album stink. "Judas" was a lame attempt to pick up where "Alejandro" left off. The status of "Edge Of Glory" (or "Dancing On A Fire Escape", as I like to call it) as the single most disappointing entry in her videography is undeniable and the best thing I can say about "You And I" is that she looked hot as a guy. I really hoped the diva could turn it around with "Marry The Night" but Gaga's ego gets in the way, as usual, and we're left with close to 14 minutes of pretentious bullshit with a bit of awesome choreography throw in at the end.
Seriously, does this bitch think anyone cares about her stupid mental hospital ramblings? I don't take spiritual advice from someone who makes a living pretending to be Grace Jones. And the nude scenes? I've seen sexier bodies on senior citizens. The annoying thing is that the old spark is still there. I laughed out loud at the Bedazzler comment and I love the dance class scene. Even her dancing on the car was good in a Ciara-did-it-first kind of way. Someone really needs to tie Lady Gaga to a chair and force her to watch "Bad Romance" on repeat. It was a genius clip because it had a fully-realised concept that suited the song perfectly and managed to be confronting and original without coming across as a desperate cry for help from a talented but unstable film student with delusions of grandeur. Mama Monster needs to reign the crazy in because people are losing interest. "Born This Way" has sold less than half of "The Fame" and self-indulgent rubbish like this is not helping her cause.
4/10
Friday, 2 December 2011
"Talk That Talk" could be the bomb that sinks Rihanna's all-conquering Navy. There is nothing to redeem this sloppy mess. No artistic growth or experimentation to dull, or at least explain, the overwhelming awfulness. It's just a lazy mish-mash of hollow dance tracks and left-over drivel from "Loud". This is the Sex & The City 2 of albums - a rushed follow-up to an unexpected smash hit that lacks all the charm of its predecessor. Worse still, it threatens to put the entire franchise in jeopardy.Make no mistake. "Talk That Talk" was supposed to be Rihanna's ticket to the very pinnacle of pop. Despite all her number one hits, the rich man's Shontelle was still dismissed as an embarrassing Beyoncé-wannabe as recently as the "Rated R" era. But then everything came together. She threw all credibility out the window, jumped on the urban-dance bandwagon and worked with the hottest names in the game. It was all very desperate but RiRi's manufactured bad-girl persona struck a chord and "Loud" established her as arguably the hottest pop-star on the planet. But instead of building on that by retreating from the spotlight to come up with something fresh and exciting, Rihanna just covered her well-endowed forehead with a new wig and shat out more of the same. The result is "Bionic" on Viagra - only without the Sia-penned power ballads and ridiculous RedOne knock-offs that made Christina's opus bearable.
Here is my track by track review:
1. You Da One
RiRi has always been a label puppet but at least her team usually hooks up interesting collaborators to give her some edge. However, this time around they just called all the usual suspects. Seriously, Dr Luke? I'm surprised there's no Max Martin or Rico Love. But back to the good Doctor. I love his work with Katy Perry and Ke$ha but "You Da One" is the weakest jam the super-producer has put his name to in years. Disturbingly, the sloppy, faux-reggae album-opener is one of the better songs on "Talk That Talk". It's perfect radio-fodder and should be massive. The fact that it's a lame re-hash of "What's My Name?" is the only stumbling block on its way to the top of the charts.
2. Where Have You Been
I love Calvin Harris but he clearly kept all the good stuff for himself. This is no "Feel So Close" or "Bounce". Hell, it's not even another "Ready For The Weekend". The meaningless lyrics hover over generic dance-beats that sound like they've been rescued from 1997. The most galling aspect is the limp dub-step twist. I never thought I'd say this - but Britney did this shit way back in 2007! It's tired and boring now. Rihanna's transformation into this generation's throwaway dance-pop diva is almost complete.
3. We Found Love
Rihanna repeatedly wailing the same cheesy line over a Euro-trash instrumental still fails to excite me. Dressing it up with an "edgy" (if you're 12 and watch a lot of Nickelodeon) video doesn't change the fact that "We Found Love" is disposable rubbish that will one day stand next to LMFAO's "Sexy And I Know It" in a museum exhibit called 2011 - The Year The Music Died.
4. Talk That Talk (Feat. Jay-Z)
Urban RiRi is not a good fit, as "Rated R" proved once and for all. Which makes the album's title track something of a surprise. Maybe it's just the bouncy Stargate production and Hova's killer intro but I like this. The chorus is cute and it's a relief to hear something a bit different in this sea of bad dance-music and shitty ballads. I'm not sure it's single material but this is definitely a standout for me.
5. Cockiness (Love It)
I probably would have enjoyed lyrics like "suck my cockiness, lick my persuasion" when I was 12 but I'll take a pass now. Who does Rihanna think she's shocking? She sings about her pussy more often than Janet in the '90s. And we all know how well that worked out for Damita. On the bright side, "Get 'Em Girls" is no longer the lamest song in Bangladesh's discography. Jessica Mauboy is holed up somewhere in Darwin crying tears of relief! This is a new low for Rih-cycle.
6. Birthday CakeThe-Dream gave Beyoncé "Single Ladies", "1+1" and "End Of Time". Rihanna got a 1:30 minute sex-interlude with not-so-brilliant lyrics like "cake, cake, cake". That pretty much sums up the Barbadian's current status in the pop hierarchy. Better luck next time.
7. We All Want Love
Nothing makes my blood run cold like a Rihanna ballad. With the exception of "Take A Bow" because that was genuinely amazing. Produced by frequent Jay-Z collaborator No I.D., "We All Want Love" is relatively inoffensive. The mid-tempo slow jam lacks the kind of big hook needed to take it to the next level and suffers from a bad case of Hallmark Card lyric-itis but at least it deals with feelings and emotions instead of RiRi's nuclear-powered pussy. My biggest problem with this track is its mediocrity. There's no way "We All Want Love" would have made the cut for "Loud". So why is it being rolled out here?
8. Drunk On Love
The first 20 seconds of "Drunk On Love" is breathtaking because it reminds me of the Dolly Parton of forehead's finest moment - her lesbian-stalker anthem "Te Amo". Unfortunately, it's all downhill from there. This dreary Stargate ballad gets my vote for the worst song on "Talk That Talk". Deleting it from my iTunes will be a pleasure.
9. Roc Me Out
Oh look, it's another Rihanna song about fucking! Whatever will she do next? Let's be real for a moment. This is getting old. Madonna did it first. Janet did it second and now Jay-Z's moneymaker is the stuck between the sheets. The whole sex kitten routine works for a while but it inevitably backfires. People joke about Beyoncé's female empowerment anthems but at least she's trying to tell women they have more to offer the world than a moist orifice. RiRi is beyond basic. As for "Roc Me Out", I forced myself to listen to it twice but there's nothing to distinguish the track from any of the diva's other sex jams. Gift it to your favourite prostitute.
10. Watch N' Learn
It's my own fault. I asked what Rihanna would do next. The answer is a mid-tempo groove about cunnilingus. Purse those lips and get busy if that's your thing. Personally, I'm going to pretend this never happened. It's a shame because Hit-Boy's production is easily the most innovative on the album.
11. Farewell
RiRi must be a closet Vanessa Williams fan because she kept the best for last. Now I know what I said about her eardrum-injuring ballads but this overwrought "Halo" rip-off works for me. Alex Da Kid announced himself as producer of merit when he helmed Tenitra's "Hello Heartbreak", before moving on to more obscure songs like "Love The Way You Lie" and "Airplanes". He gives Rihanna a lush orchestra of synths to bleat over and she does her best with that limited vocal range. The lyrics are cute and I could hear this in public without feeling like my civil liberties were being been violated. It's a nice song but definitely a case of too little, too late.
2.5/10
Thursday, 1 December 2011
From contributing songs to Christina Aguilera's era-defining "Bionic" album to single-handedly saving dance music with "Titanium", Sia has done it all. Or at least I thought she had until I spotted her as the feature vocalist on Hilltop Hoods' latest single. Yes, my fellow Bey stan can now add edgy hip-hop diva to her CV. This is getting ridiculous! I'm not going to pretend I'm huge Hilltop Hoods fan from way back but the Aussie MCs have churned out some amazing singles over the past decade so - "The Nosebleed Section" and "Chase That Feeling" spring to mind. You can now add "I Love It" to that list. The track finds the boys in top form, trading lyrical blows as Sia chirps her way through the kind of chorus that gets lodged in your brain and refuses to leave. Like that demon slug in Supernatural. Adelaide's two biggest musical exports have served up a sure-fire smash, with the track already sitting at number 12 on iTunes with no video or promotion. Expect to be hearing this all summer long!
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