Ariana Grande Is The New Teen Queen

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Thursday, 28 February 2013

Is Demi This Generation's Pop Princess?

Posted on 02:44 by rajveer

Every few years there is a changing of the guard. All the pretty ponies that were showered with undying love and attention either take a step up the pop ladder - or are sent kicking and screaming to the glue factory. It's a ruthless cycle that few survive. For every Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera, there are 10 Hilary Duffs wondering what the fuck happened. And, for a while there, that's the fate that seemed to await Demi Lovato - the destiny of being a largely irrelevant footnote in the history of teen-pop.

Unlike aforementioned Lizzie McGuire actress (who desperately needs to make a comeback), Demi had no real hits to her credit and was better known for allegedly not fucking Joe Jonas. But then she had a breakdown and people found her interesting again. To her credit, the then 19-year-old worked that shit like a pro - churning out the air-grabbing anthem "Skyscraper" and genuinely brilliant "Give Your Heart A Break". It became blindingly obvious that Demi was the talented teen idol. Selena had the famous boyfriend and Miley had the fame but pop's favourite cutter could really sing.

I loved Demi's third album but Unbroken underperformed. It did well enough to land her a spot on X Factor next to Britney and, again, she's taken an opportunity and created something unexpectedly massive. The Camp Rock survivor could have been forgiven for returning with a shitty dance track like "Scream & Shout" but she (or more likely her team) went with a song co-penned by rising pop diva Nikki Williams and produced by the relatively unknown Suspex. In that regard "Heart Attack" was a risk but the song is a stone cold smash from the very first listen.

Dabbling ever-so-slightly in the electronic movement, the now 20-year-old updated her sound with some icy synths but this is basically an '80s power ballad dragged into the new millennium. The lyrics are occasionally twee - bitch, wash your damn hair regardless! - but the 14-year-old girl in all of us is silently nodding her head in approval, while crying silent tears of agreement as Demi tells it like it is. Best of all, the focus is on the budding diva's glorious vocals. "Heart Attack" is currently sitting at #1 on US iTunes and has every right to be absolutely massive.

So is this the next step in comeback queen's slow climb to greatness or an extension of her 15 minutes? If talent plays any factor, which is debatable, Demi could be around for the long haul. The ball's in your court now, Selena. Your next album better be flawless or you'll be bunking next to Ashley Tisdale in no time.

9/10

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Posted in Demi Lovato, Single Reviews, US Pop | No comments

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Why Is Carly Rae A Flop? Tonight I'm Getting Over You - Video Review

Posted on 04:15 by rajveer

The continued failure of Carly Rae Jepsen to capitalise on the mammoth worldwide success of "Call Me Maybe" remains one of life's great mysteries. Like the sale of Filet-O-Fish burgers at McDonald's. Seriously, who buys that shit? The problem is not the music. As any discerning pop fan can attest, Kiss was one of finest recordings of 2012. There isn't a dud song on that album. Sure, some of it is kind of embarrassing if you're not a 12-year-old girl but even those bitches are snubbing Carly's flawless music. What the fuck is going on?

After minutes of deep thought, I've carefully come up with the following potential causes:

1. She's Canadian

Let's face it. Nobody's here for that backwater but being Canadian hasn't hindered Justin Bieber's chart prospects - so it can't be that.

2. Bad song choices

There aren't any bad songs on Kiss apart from the ballads, which I have long since deleted, so this is not an issue.

3. Her dumb fringe

Getting warmer. Carly has the worst hair in music and bitches obviously can not deal with that heinous 'do.

4. Age inappropriateness

It's occasionally disconcerting that a woman staring down her 30th birthday sings about steamy issues like holding hands and making wedding rings from guitar strings but Madonna has been making music for teenage gays since 1983 - so we're obviously willing to turn a blind eye to this. The mystery deepens.

5. Justin Bieber association

While being associated with JB clearly helped Carly get noticed, it could also be her downfall. Female and gay (ie. all) Beliebers are incredibly jealous and the fact that they toured together obviously got her blacklisted. It also made it easy for everyone over the age of 16 to dismiss the flop diva as a teen joke, when - in reality - her music is closer aligned to Kylie Minogue than Selena Gomez.

6. Carly's videos are terrible

Take "Tonight I'm Getting Over You". I love this song. The production is current and radio-friendly. It would be a massive hit if was recorded by someone it isn't embarrassing to openly like. To get over the Carly Rae stigma, you would film a gritty video to remind people that she's a grown woman and knows how to churn out an edgy club-banger? Right? Wrong. This silly bitch makes out with a guy young enough to be her son - trust me, they never get past first base because Carly obviously has a vagina just like Barbie - and then acts a fool by sitting in an empty room sprawled over an old TV set when not staring through lace curtains like a crazy person. What the fuck?

It's a sad day when a pretty woman in the twilight of her youth with a reed thin but capable voice can not bag a hit with the assistance of today's hottest hitmakers. I feel like homosexuals have really dropped the ball and can only repent by gifting "Tonight I'm Getting Over You" to everyone they know. Let the Carly Rae revival start here!

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Posted in Canadian Pop, Carly Rae Jepsen, Flops | No comments

Friday, 22 February 2013

Why I Respect Nelly Furtado - Bucket List Review

Posted on 21:30 by rajveer

Nelly Furtado raised the bar for flopping with The Spirit Indestructible. Her last English language recording sold 10 million copies worldwide, while 2012's comeback effort sold a paltry 6,000 copies first week. In all fairness, the criminally underrated album turned out to be a steady seller in some parts of Europe - namely, Germany where she has always been disproportionately popular to the rest of the world. Kind of like Pink in Australia. Most divas would have hung up their microphone in shame and distanced themselves from the project faster than Taylor Swift's eyes scan a room for single men but Nelly is still promoting that fucker like it's 21. Respect.

I wish more artists would show this kind of commitment to an album. What does it say about the level of pride in your work and the faith in your artistic vision if you just give up because you missed the top 20? Kylie took a similar approach with Impossible Princess in the late '90s when the UK basically laughed in her face and sent her packing back to Australia. It turned out to be the turning point for her career. That might not happen with Nelly but she's just debuted the video for her fifth - and best - single from The Spirit Indestructible and is currently winding up a tour of Canada and Europe. Let's hope Christina and Ke$ha show similar dedication to their underperforming but vastly more successful albums.

That takes us back to "Bucket List". A low-key Darkchild production that wouldn't sound out of place on Folklore, the moody track perfectly showcases the Canadian diva's quirky voice and knack for writing melancholy lyrics. Like the rest of her album, it's completely uncommercial - the video begins with an intro about the dangers of dying alone and unfulfilled! - but it would probably be massive with the indie-pop crowd if it was recorded by an 18-year-old hipster with no life experience. The video is cheap. Like it was literally filmed between tour stops but I can't get over how beautiful Nelly looks. This era might have failed commercially but she can hold her head up high.

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Posted in Canadian Pop, Nelly Furtado, Video Reviews | No comments

Thursday, 21 February 2013

Timebomb Is Officially Forgiven - Kylie Slays Once Again!

Posted on 03:29 by rajveer

I've been writing this blog since 2006. And even if you've only dropped by a couple of times over the last 8 years - two things should be clear by now. I really like Beyoncé and Kylie Minogue. The former has been getting a lot of coverage lately but I've been suffering from major fan fatigue with the Australian pop deity. Aphrodite was pleasant enough but the single choices were absolutely repellant and then she wasted everyone's time with that heinous Abbey Road Sessions bullshit and released the worst single of her glorious 25 year career with "Timebomb". I just needed a break.

But then a funny thing happened. I hired Holy Motors on a whim a couple of weeks ago and watched in awe as Kylie turned in her best screen performance since playing a junkie whore in Sample People. Her star turn was absolutely compelling and I sat through the damn movie another three times trying to work out what the fuck was going on. I still have no idea but it's highly recommended! Next came the Roc Nation deal and news that she is hooking up with the likes of Fernando Garibay on her new album - a fantastic development after slumming it with British hacks for far too long. And then I stumbled across "Whistle".

I feel like I've fallen into a parallel universe where time stood still and I'm stuck in 1998. You know the era when Kylie revolutionised pop by singing about fonts with Towa Tei. Only instead of exploring Japanese pop decades before it became trendy, Bey's new BFF is getting down with Icelandic folktronica outfit Múm on a contribution to the Jack and Diane soundtrack - a film, if I'm not mistaken, about lesbian werewolves. What in the name of Dannii's sold-out K-mart range is going on? And why is it so fucking amazing?

"Whistle" is obviously not single material - it begins with the line "I bleed like a pig" - but it is absolutely gorgeous. Imagine if Enya smoked peyote and then tried to cover Bjork for some idea of the demented, ambient magic that unwinds over the next six, languid minutes of aural perfection. This is so different and so beautiful. Just what I needed to get interested in Kylie again before she returns with a pitch-perfect pop album later this year and sets fire to Madonna's dusty wig once and for all. I love this.

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Posted in Crazy Shit, Icelandic Weirdness, Kylie, Legends, Mum | No comments

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Mariah Carey - Almost Home - Review

Posted on 04:57 by rajveer

Mimi isn't playing this year. So far she's conquered Australia, made Nicki Minaj look like a demented Cirque Du Soleil clown on American Idol and recorded the best soundtrack song of 2013. Did I mention it's only February? When the snippet of "Almost Home" leaked last week, I was slightly concerned. It was pleasant but I feared Mariah's latest vocal master class might be a tad boring. As it turns out, the Stargate-produced mid-tempo ballad is the record-breaking diva's most contemporary offering since E=MC2.

"Almost Home" isn't exactly experimental - it still straddles the pop and adult contemporary worlds - but after the failed hip-hop adventure that was (the criminally underrated) "Triumphant", it's a relief to hear Mimi on a track that might actually be played on radio. Even more excitingly, Mariah unleashes the powerful pipes that enchanted Australia in January and delivers one of her best vocal performances in years. The chorus is a thing of beauty and the runs at the end of the song are epic.

Oz is shaping up to be a box office hit, so "Almost Home" could be a great platform for the relaunch of the Lamb Whisperer if radio plays along. Let's pray for a video that matches the epic brilliance of "Auld Lang Syne (Fireworks)"!

8.5/10

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Posted in Mariah, Single Reviews | No comments

Christina Milian's Top 31 Australian Club Smash!

Posted on 04:16 by rajveer

Christina Milian teaming up with a pair of low-brow Australian DJs for her latest comeback attempt was one of 2012's biggest WTF moments. The Stafford Brothers are best known in this country for their terrible reality TV show and the "When You Look At Me" diva has been focusing on the R&B market since the early 2000s. It just didn't seem to fit. Throw Lil Wayne into the mix and the project seemed doomed. But someone knew what they were doing. "Hello" (below) is actually a great dance record and debuts at number 31 on the ARIA club chart this week.

Time will tell if Christina's dance experiment turns out to be a crossover hit but it's great to see the former urban-pop icon back on the charts. I bought all three of her albums and still spin classic tracks like "Dip It Low", "AM To PM" and - my personal fave - "Say I" on a regular basis. There's no reason why she can't carve out a decent career. The-Dream's ex-wife has been in limbo since 2006 but she's pretty, can sing and is obviously open to exploring new genres unlike fellow faded R&B stars Ashanti and Ciara. The remixes are actually pretty hot too. I recommend hunting down the LA Riots remix.

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Posted in Christina Milian, Lil Wayne, Stafford Brothers | No comments

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Floptina No More - Feel This Moment Is A Hit

Posted on 04:59 by rajveer

First of all, sorry for the lack of updates. I've got a lot of shit going on at the moment but everything will be back to normal soon. In the meantime, please bear with me - and follow my ramblings on Twitter. There are a few things I want to comment on but let's start with the exit of Floptina. After a horror run, the dirtiest diva in the game finally has a hit on her hands. "Feel This Moment" is shooting up iTunes around the world - it's already top 10 in many countries across Europe and the Middle East - and is sitting just outside the top 50 on the Billboard Hot 100.

All of this is rather surprising - firstly because the A-Ha-sampling song was actually released way back in November 2012 and did absolutely nothing and, secondly, because there's been no promo. I guess the world just missed Godtina! To be honest, "Feel This Moment" is a hot mess. It's the kind of generic Pitbull trash that sounds amazing after your tenth trip to the bar on a Saturday night. I do rather like the "Take On Me" sample and Christina's vocal is endearingly over-the-top.

The fucked up thing is - this is what a bitch has to do to get a hit these days. There are half a dozen great songs on Lotus but radio is paying the pop legend dust and her label has all but pulled the plug. You literally have to make this kind of lowest common denominator shit for gays to spend $1.69 on a download. What is life? Oh well, hopefully this is massive and injects some interest into the Lotus campaign - even though it's on Pitbull's horrendous album. Watch the crappy lyric video below and download from Aus iTunes now.

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Posted in Feel This Moment, Pitbull, Xtina | No comments
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